I know you are but what am I?

So after listening to this whole debt ceiling debate and in preparation for the 2012 presidential election, it got me thinking about how two sides just can’t get along. No matter what the issue, it seems that the Republicans and Democrats will never see eye to eye. A Democrat says the sky is blue, a Republican says it’s green. A Republican says the Earth is round, a Democrat will say its square. A Democrat will say that Megan Fox is a horrible actress, a republican will say…well actually they may agree on that one. So, with this in mind, it got me thinking of other sides that just couldn’t get along.

Donald Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell

It all started because of a Donald Trump and a party girl - Shocker, I know! Trump defended Miss USA winner Tara Conner’s use of drugs and Rosie O’Donnell took offense to this and publically called Trump a “Snake Oil Salesman”. She might have also mentioned that Trump was far from the moral compass for American youth. Oh yeah, it was ON! It quickly turned into a game of 7 year olds playing “I know you are but what am I”. Rosie told a nationwide audience on the View that “Donald, can sit on it and spin, my friend." Donald, well versed in the “I know you are” game, fired back by calling Rosie a “degenerate” and a “loser” and saying “I look forward to making tons of money from my nice fat little Rosie." The proof of the utter ridiculousness of this feud is that the World Wrestling Entertainment did an in-ring spoof on it by hiring look-a-likes to wrestle. When Vince McMahon says you are absurd, you have hit rock bottom (pun intended).

Reality TV Stars vs. Dignity

Yes, I watch reality TV, a lot of reality TV. And Yes, on some shows, American Idol for example, the contestants retain (if not enhance) their dignity. However, there are multiple examples of individuals who participate in certain reality shows where all semblances of dignity & respect go right out the window. Case in point:

Stars of the Bachelor & Bachelorette. The Premise: Guy meets 25 girls. Guy sends 10 girls packing 3 hours after meeting with them; leaving the girls with no self esteem and several visits to a psychologist. Guy makes out with 15 remaining girls, sends over half of them home to contemplate why they will never get a guy to love them. Guy visits 3 remaining girls’ parents; causes family fights due to intrusive questions and sleeps with the remaining 3. Guy proposes to girl & couple sells their souls to In-touch Magazine. Couple breaks up – lather, rinse, repeat. Who are the guiltiest in this category – oh where do I begin and how do I narrow it down. We have:

Jesse: An NFL player, who despite being a Quarterback, evidently could not get a date so needed to go on this show

Molly: Who was basically left at the altar then got an “Oh just kidding, now that Melisa dumped me can we go out again” from Jason

The girl (its minute 16 so I don’t remember her name) who hooked up with a producer while still trying to get a rose from Jake. Ok her name was Rozyln. I’m ashamed I know

Any girl who gave or received a Fantasy suite card. It might as well be a Hallmark musical card which plays “Bow Chicka Bow Wow” when it is opened

By the way, do any of these people have last names?

Is it only the bachelor and bachelorette’s that lose their dignity? Not a chance:

How about Mike “The Situation“ Sorrentino who tried to parlay his Jersey Shore success (not sure what he was successful at?) into a comedy career at the Roast of Donald Trump. However, here’s the situation – he’s not funny

We have Survivor’s Johnny Fairplay who had his friend come on the island and tell everyone his grandmother died so he could get a sympathy vote. You guessed it, she is alive although hopefully embarrassed

Then there was the Bachelor wannabe - Joe Millionaire. The only thing I remember from that show was that they filmed Joe (Evan) and Sarah in a darkened garden. What, you can’t see or hear what they are saying, it’s OK, FOX added subtitles to the screen so you know what’s going on. The subtitles read “Slurp, Slurp, Gulp, Gulp”. I kid you not! Sarah, your parents must be proud. I think Johnny Fairplay’s grandmother was also watching!

Forget the Hills, how about Heidi and Spencer Pratt on “I’m a Celebrity, Get me out of Here” was ridiculous. First, I am not sure anyone on the show qualified as a celebrity. Second, Heidi acted like she was victimized like Charles Bronson’s wife in Death Wish when the labels on her shampoo bottle were removed. Third Spencer was baptized in a river by Stephen Baldwin. Fourth, do I need to even go on about these 2?

Jon and Kate +8. I feel sorry for the kids, I feel sorry anyone who watched and most of all I feel sorry for anyone else in the world who wore an Ed hardy shirt who had to burn them so they don’t get confused with Jon.

Actually I could go on and on with this category…so let me move on

The Soc’s vs. Greasers

Yes, this is basically the rich vs. the poor, and as much as the movie "The Outsiders" made the Soc’s out to be the bad guys, I think anyone with the names of Ponyboy, two-bit and Soda-Pop deserve to get their a$$ whipped every once in a while.

Star Trek vs. Star Wars fans

I will start off by saying that I am a fan of both of these franchises and there are celebrities who like each. Whether it is Kevin Smith or Seth Green (Star Wars) or Tom Hanks & Whoopi Goldberg (Star Trek) there is no shortage of high profile fans. There have also been some high profile spoofs of both. Who can forget Saturday Night Live and William Shatner press conference. Fans asking Shatner about details of the show like it was real. Shatner’s high profile response ‘Get a Life people”. Robot Chicken and Family guy have had well received shows based solely on spoofing Star Wars. But for some reason, it seems that Trekkies (or is it Trekkers) and Star Wars Fans feel this need to compare or dare I say trash talk each other. I will leave it with this line from Fanboys…

Star War Fan - “What's the Klingon for "I'm going to die a virgin"?

Star Trek Fan Replies in fluent Klingon

Enough Said!

Biggie vs. Tupac

I won’t pretend to know much about this other than someone said something bad about someone else, then someone else said something bad about the other person, people’s feelings got hurt and the next thing you know everyone’s dead. This same thing happened in my middle school playground all the time – well except for the shootouts and killings.

Charlie Sheen vs. Sanity

How did this guy go from the great actor in Platoon to this? From in an Oliver Stone picture to saying “I am on a drug, it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." Well, at least we know he has a home remedy for his sickness, remember he blinked and cured his brain.

Honorable Mention:

The Hatfield’s vs. the McCoy’s, Team Edward vs. Team Jacob , The Capulets vs the Montagues, The Jets vs the Sharks, Coke vs Pepsi, Red Sox vs. Yankees