Unanswered Superhero Questions

It seems there are superheroes everywhere these days. Spiderman is being reboot (really? Didn’t they just “Boot” Spiderman?). Superman is being re-made…yet again (they might as well bring back Christopher Reeves). The past couple of years have brought Thor, Captain America, Iron Man, Avengers, multiple X-Men movies and enough Green to save a rain forest (Green Green Lantern, Green Hornet Green Goblin). And don’t get me started on the Hulk. With all the money they spent on trying to make a decent Hulk movie, they could have just made an actual Hulk (BBT reference). So it seems that superheroes are everywhere. So much in fact that it got me thinking about some of the unanswered questions about superheroes that have yet to make it into these films. For example:

Does Superman pay property tax on his fortress of solitude? Think about it. He just waltzes in and takes what I assume is government (tax payer) property & establishes a residence. Not only does he not pay taxes, but I bet he didn’t get a permit for the construction.

Speaking of Superman. Does Lois Lane mind if Superman is faster than a speeding bullet in, well, you know… everything?

You remember Aquaman right. The guy who wears green and yellow tights, can breathe under water and telepathically communicate with fish. Well, if he is a man, and lives under water, how exactly does he…uh…relieve himself. Does he pull down his spandex? Does he just go right in the ocean like a 5 year old kid? Do the other fish make fun of him behind his back because of…well…shrinkage?

Wonder Woman puts on clothes and becomes Diana and Superman puts on glasses and is transformed into Clark Kent. Are the people of Metropolis and Washington D.C. (or wherever Wonder Woman does her Wonders) made up of people who are totally clueless or just happen to be farsighted?

So I get Spiderman. Bit by a spider and uses webs to sling around. Hey look its Spiderman. Superman. Yep, more powerful than a locomotive. He is super and looks like a man. Aquaman, water – yep people would get that. How about Green Lantern. Doesn't having the name Green Lantern confuse the common citizen? It's not really self-explainable like Batman is. I can’t see the every-day guy looking around and seeing the Green Lantern come to rescue him and saying, Hey, it’s the Green Lantern.

Why did Batman have to create a naming convention for all his tools using the word bat? Is it so he wouldn’t mix up the “Bat Shark Repellent with the garden variety Shark Repellent available at Walmart?

Do female superheroes that wear miniskirts and fly get upset if someone looks up?

Does the Thing from Fantastic Four have problems with kidney stones?

I guess I will have to wait for the 3D version of Kazaam 2 to find out.