Bachelor: Week 1
- “Oh god. Really? Oh Come on! Lord Have Mercy.” – Me, every 45 seconds, while watching this episode.
- Seriously, after watching season after season of the bachelor I think am I the only guy who works out with a shirt on
- “Getting over Emily took a while”. Uh Shawn, when you say while, do you mean longer than the 30 day shoot of the previous season of the bachelorette?
- The next time I hear the word Journey, it better be mentioned as part of a 1980’s re-union concern with Steve Perry
- “I am only going to get engaged once”. I think you mean, only get engaged on TV once…although at this rate, that probably doesn’t hold true anymore either
- I bet that dude Ari is thinking…crap, I wish I was the bachelor
- Ari, hate to tell you, but your 15 minutes of fame was over last season…well, I guess this makes it 20 minutes…well, until the bachelor pad…crap
- “I see myself spending the rest of my life with one person”. Gee thanks for that generic pearl of wisdom Sean.
Let’s meet some of the girls
- Girl with one arm says “I believe this show brings people together who are compatible” – Really? You mean based on all the previous successes like…um…like…yeah that Trista girl…and…um…
- “I don’t like the nerds or the politicians”. Sorry chick-a-dee from D.C., after seeing your introduction, I think it’s the nerds and politicians who don’t like you.
Out of the car and…
- Hey poker dealer, you might as well walk right on back into that car
- I bet that girl sang to Sean to audition for the next reality show
- Girl “Have you read any good books lately?” Sean…”Yeah I read this book on the impacts of socio-economic status on…” Girl “Yeah, whatever, I read 50 Shades of Grey”
- Is Sean’s “I’ll talk to you inside” basically the bachelor version of “I’ll call you…no, I don’t need to write down your number, I’ll remember”
- “I was on bachelor pad 3”…not exactly the statement I would have led with
- Sean gives Tierra a rose and says “I hope that doesn’t cause any tension among the girls”. Have you ever even seen this show Sean?
- You know, there is a balance between an awkward “pause” and an awkward “this sucks”
- Kristy is a model? You mean a hand model?
- Yeah, show up in a wedding dress. That’s exactly what a guy wants on a first date. I’m surprised you didn’t bring you mother to really seal the deal.
- Girl: “If you break my heart, my dad will break your legs”. Um, yeah ok, you might want to go stand next to the girl who came in a wedding dress.
And, here we go
- I am so glad this show dispels the stereotype of catty superficial women
- “I would love for my wife to be in this room” – Sorry Sean, that is only going to happen if the make-up artist’s name Susan “Wife” McGuillcutty
- Oh hell, I would bring my own rose or just find one of the dumb girls and say “Hey look over there…” Swiper no swiping
- Do these girls actually have jobs? I mean they can’t even seem to process that the guy is giving out more than 1 rose. Not that hard to follow ladies…
- “I got a few more girls to talk to” = No rose for you
- It’s more like Ashley and her 50 Shades of “What The Hell”
- I think I know why some of these girls are single
- Blonde girl basically says “Of course he noticed me, I mean have you seen me?”
- “I don’t fight over a guy” – um, maybe you should have thought of that before you went on the bachelor
- Blonde Singer “I guess I should focus on making myself happy rather than opening up to guys”. Open up? You had all of 45 seconds with this guy…how much could you really have opened up.
