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Monday, March 12, 2012

Bachelor Finale: Or how Ashley is the real winner!


In the biggest “no duh” move since I picked the Harlem Globetrotters to beat that team they play all the time, Ben finally picked Courtney

Things that would have made this the most shocking bachelor finale ever…
  1. Ben giving the final roles to one of the sheep sitting outside the cottage he’s staying at in Switzerland
  2. Ben gets eaten by a Zombie
  3. The couple is actually in love and stays together
  4. In an amazing cross network cross-over, Ben get’s thrown into the octagon for an ultimate fighting championship match.  His opponent is his hair
  • What do ex-bachelorette’s get for Valentine’s Day?  I gotta think roses are pretty passé by now
  • Chris Harrison says “Will Ben make the right choice” – Too late, he already agreed to be on the show
  • You know who is the happiest that this season is over?  The ABC hairstylists
  • Is the slow motion montage supposed to make me like these people more?
  • What the heck is Ben crying about when he sees his mom and sister? It’s not like he was just released from a Turkish prison
  • What do the girls love about you? “Well sis, I gave them a rose”
  • Ben:  “My concern with Lindzi is do I need more time with her?”  What, you mean the 2 weeks of splitting between Lindzi and 20 other women wasn’t enough for you to propose.
  • Model?  Are we sure Courtney is not an actress because she pulled the wool over Ben’s family’s eyes?
  • Stuck on the Gondola, Lindzi knows it is the place and time to open up to Ben because the producer is standing behind him with cue cards.
  • Lindzi “I am 200% vulnerable”.  Well Lindzi, first of all, that is mathematically impossible
  • When a girl says “I love you” and a guy says “Awww Thank You”, it’s pretty much over
  • Apparently ABC is in a contract where there must be a helicopter ride during which Ben and “fill in the blank” simultaneously say OMG (thanks Amy!)
  • At this point, the producers are creating these scrapbooks for all the girls just in case they are picked in the end
  • The Jeweler stops by. “No thanks Nathan Lane (or whatever the Jeweler’s name is), I still have the one from the last show”.
  • Ben: “I can’t imagine life getting any better!”.   Yeah Ben, it’s not going to
  • Courtney: “When Ben and I get engaged, I know it will last forever”. Um, yeah…or at least until Bachelor Pad 4 casting begins
  • Ben to Lindzi in another example of him being a total idiot.  “I’ve fallen in love with you, but I am in love with someone else. I love someone else.  Sorry”
  • Upon not getting the final rose, Lindzi gives us two more proof points as to why these women will never find love
    • “I’m mad at myself for not giving you what you needed”
    • “If things don’t work out, call me”
  • Ben, you know you are really going to have to break the bank on your next proposal.  “You are really my forever, no really…seriously…stop laughing”
  • Courtney: “This is supposed to be a story about love..”.  Oh sweetie, that is so cute, but no

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