Bachelor - Week 5. The Most Awkward Lap Dance Ever

• Courtney talks about Kaci B’s one on one date with Ben.  She says “It could go one of two ways.”  Really? Did you do that math all by yourself?
• Ben talks about his date on a “Deserted” Island like he is fighting the elements and overcoming obstacles and fears.  Um, I am sure if you guys starve or get hurt or something, I’m sure the camera guy could float you a sandwich or a band-aid.
• By the way, if I were going on this show, I would tell the producers that my fear was fancy dinners, football and seeing women in bikinis
• Ben - “What do you like to do Kaci?”  Kaci - “I like to go to the grocery store”.  Really?  That is the 2^nd time you have mentioned it as a “go to” place for you.  What is it with the grocery stores in your hometown?  
• I think girls who don’t have some sort of sordid past or disease or death to open up about, really don’t stand a chance.  It’s like they have to one-up each other each week on “bringing down walls”.  God forbid you didn’t have an ex who smuggled cocaine across the Mexican border before breaking up with you sending you into a year-long depression.
• Some girl said “Ben is such a man’s man”.  Really whatever your name is, you really think so?  He is giving you a geography lesson as he uses a motor boat dressed in banana republic bright pink shorts.
• Some girl thought they “stumbled upon a village” – yeah a village which happened to have cameras and lighting and boom mikes all set up already.  If it was truly a stumbled upon village you would be boiling in a large pot at this point and being seasoned up for someone’s dinner.
• Really, if Ben wasn’t the bachelor, girls would not like him and he would more likely be the 5^th friend on the Big Bang Theory.
• With Courtney flashing herself in front of those kids, she probably is going to end up on some list or be banned from going to playgrounds unsupervised.
• Ben says "If you ladies weren’t here today, I would have turned around and went home".  What the heck does that mean? Why would you be boating by yourself to some “stumbled upon village” where all the guys are in thongs?  Of course if they weren’t there you would have turned around!
• Does anyone else think that Courtney goes back to the house and sits in the corner of the room turning the lights on and off saying “I will not be ignored Ben” all Fatal Attraction like.
• I’m waiting for this Salsa Dance Off between Blakely and Rachel to turn into one of those kids movies where they get all gansta on each other while doing the samba.
• Also, note to self, if I ever go on one of these shows, learn how to fake cry.
• Blakely makes a scrapbook out of cut headlines from magazines and newspapers.  You know who also does that, Hannibal Lector from Silence of the Lambs.
• The girls in the house are playing “dead pool” with the girls.  The guy comes and takes Blakely’s luggage and they are passing around money from their wagers!
• Chris Harrison = Therapist
• If I were the producer of the Bachelor, I would have this mysterious “Michael” actually on the show, and then have him propose to Kaci S. and ultimately have Michael go talk to Ben.
• You know when Kaci S. is telling Ben about Michael, he is thinking, damn, can I go get Blakely back.
• Note to Kaci S; don’t cry to a guy over another guy who doesn’t want to marry you.  Basically she is saying “I don’t want to be with him, so I guess I’ll be with you”.
• When Kaci S. is bawling to Chris Harrison you know he is thinking “Now I know why Michael doesn’t want to marry you”.
• Chris Harrison said, “If you’re not open to finding love on this show, it won’t work”.  Ah, Chris, have you seen the track record of the relationships on this show, it won’t work anyway
• Note to the producers, when the girls are bawling and talking – please add subtitles.
• OMG – did this girl create a workplan for kissing Ben?
• Why do I feel that Ben will absolutely pick the girl that he couldn’t get in real life (i.e. Courtney) instead of the girl that he is more compatible with (i.e. Kaci B).