Bachelor: The Women Tell All (Or the women get an extra 5 minutes of fame)

At this point, in order for next weeks episode to be "the most controversial finale of the bachelor ever", Ben would have to kill someone!

• Speaking of extending fame an extra couple of minutes, is this "where are they now thing" supposed to bring back fond memories of bachelors past?  It's more like that bad sushi I ate last night that is coming back to haunt me.
•  So, bachelor pad 3 is coming out.  This brings up a couple of key questions:
• Does the show come with Purell?
• How about antibiotics
• Do these people have jobs?
• Or lives?
• I think putting "occupation" subtitles on the screen for these people is walking that fine line of truth on television
• So, the women tell all episode?  I'm glad this show dispels the rumors that women are catty
• Girls, you all learned this in second grade.  Raise your hand if you wish to speak.
• I don't understand this hatred for Shawntel.  Move on because you were on Brads season? She's Brads dumpster trash? Well then by your logic not only is Ben Ashely's dumpster trash but all of you ladies are Ben's dumpster trash. Don't throw stones.
• One of the girls says about  Shawntel : "There's a right way and a wrong way to address the girls when you walk into the room".  No little one, there is no right way to ever BE seen on this show.
• Who the he'll is Samantha? Is she loud because no one remembers her from the show?  
• Chris Harrison finishes these girls sentences for them.  Fact is, he finishes them the same way every season regardless of which girl it is.  So you fell in love with him...it was hard...you're ok now...I bet there are guys in (insert girls city) who are happy your single
•  All the girls said they were blindsided when they didn't get the rose.  Well of course, they all said they loved him, he makes out with them and it's only later he says "sorry, didn't see it going anywhere"
• Sorry whatever your name is, you were NOT in love.
• Every time Courtney talks an angel loses his wings
• * Gotta give a Jeff a shout out for triggering this thought
• Look, I don't like Courtney at all, and I get that the girls don't like her because of how she talked about them...BUT weren't these the same girls that made fun of  Shawntel's hips about 15 minutes ago?
•  I half expected Courtney to look at the camera as she walked behind the curtain, shoot her finger guns and say "phew, phew winning"
• Jen says "I mean how could you take Blakely home to your mom (looks at Blakely) No offense."  Umm, No offense? of course not, why would that be offensive?
• Oh Jenna, you crazy insane blogger...how I missed you

Bachelor Breakdown Week 9: The "Just in Case Kacie B had any dignity left" edition

 “All the stuff I had to go through to get to this point is worth it”  What exactly did you go through Ben other than 20 women who threw themselves at you?

Date with Nikki

• Does Ben go on a picnic everywhere? It’s like he (or the producers) run out of ideas so just like Wile E. Coyote always goes to the old Acme Exploding Carton trick, they go to the old picnic basket.  By the way, the only way his dates would actually be interesting would be if that picnic basket exploded like Wile E’s Acme stuff.
• Ben, I don’t think it’s that cold where you need to wear that full snow suit.  Seriously, you look like Ralphy's brother from a Christmas Story.
• Nikki and Ben are at the top of the mountain with a bunch of stacked rocks.  I bet that was someone’s grave they just roasted marshmallows on.
• Nikki “I've thought about our future and our love a-lot”.  A lot Nikki? You mean in the past 20 days that this TV show was shot? That a lot?
• Ben:  “I hope she says yes to the overnight” – uh yeah Ben, she’s already said she loved you, my money is she stays the night.
• Why do they always act surprised when they get the fantasy suite card?  And really, fantasy suite? We all know what that means.  The card might as well just be a drawing of two stick figures going at it.
• Ben said he was happy that Nikki was putting herself out there.  I think he just meant putting out.

Date with Lindzi

• Jumping out of a helicopter wasn’t enough to throw at the girl who is scared of heights?  What is this fear factor? Why don’t you just dump a bucket of poisonous spiders on her while you’re at it?
• OK Ben, don’t over-react.  My 4 year old kid rappelled down a bigger rock wall at the local my-gym
• “Normally I don’t spend the night with anyone…” what they edited out was the rest of the sentence…”but now that there are camera's around, I t makes me feel so Paris Hilton like”

Date with Courtney

• “I like how Courtney is extremely unique and a little bit Nerdy”.  I think what you meant to say Ben is you like how Courtney gets naked and swims with me
• Ben: “Courtney, have you ever played “hey cow”.   Courtney: “No Ben, I had a life”.
• Another picnic and this time right in the middle of cow manure.  Awesome Ben…just awesome.
• I bet the producers are whispering in Ben’s ear – “keep the crazy one Ben”
• Really Ben, the fantasy suite shouldn’t be a big deal, you’ve already seen Courtney naked

Emily the new Bachelorette

• Ali and Ashley are here to give Emily Advice.  Yeah, Ali just broke up with Roberto and Ashley fell for Bentley.
• Emily says my life is finally back to normal with little Ricky.  The kid’s dad dies, her mom goes away to be on Brad Womack’s version of the bachelor and now she is the bachelorette.  Yeah this is exactly what that kid needs for normalcy.
• Ashley is talking about the movie Titanic and saying that Jack & Rose are the epitome of a perfect relationship.  Spoiler alert Ashley, Jack dies.

Kacie B makes a re-appearance.

•  And with that, Kacie’s last shred of dignity goes poof.  

Thumbs down to Ben! Don't worry Nikki, you are way better off not being with this guy!

Why I Watch The Bachelorette - A Guy's Point of View

Let me start off by saying that I didn’t start out as a willing watcher of this show. But after being asked or should I say forced to watch it, I was hooked. But why do I watch? I hear more than one person comment on how (insert random season’s couple) were “meant to be” or are “truly in love” – to which I say…”No” and then possibly gag. Each year, Chris Harrison talks about the success of the couples on the show in finding love. Of course he does, what is he going to say? Hey guys, get ready for this exciting season where (Insert Name) has less than a 5% chance of finding their soul mate. 5% and going downward - that’s the truth of the matter. Only 1 couple in 22 seasons has gotten married. In addition to poster children Trista & Ryan who everyone always refers to, only 1 other couple (Ali/Roberto) are even still dating. Note - Jason picked Mellisa, so he & Molly don’t count. For those watching this year, please keep this statistic in mind when Ashley eventually picks JP and people anoint them as the next great couple (until they break up).

So If I don’t believe that these people will really find love on the show (shocker), what keeps me interested in it? Three themes emerge for me:

1) The CONSISTENCY of the RIDICULOUSNESS: I swear it amazes me that I watch sometimes because it is so ridiculous. But I think it’s that I can rely on the insanity on the show week in, week out, season in, and season out that keeps me coming back. I can tell you right now that on the next season someone will say:

- “I believe that my Husband/Wife is standing in this room”
- “I am now ready to fall in love” and then say “I put walls up”
- “I am falling in love with (random person”) after 3 days
- “I don’t know what is wrong with me, no one will ever love me”
- The word “Journey” 17 times an episode

In addition, everyone has jobs that are blown out of proportion. Ashley is no more of a dentist than Hermey from Rudolph the red nosed reindeer was (actually Hermey actually worked on a dolls tooth so he may be one up on Ashley). Supposedly, one bachelor was a prince? Unless you send over Prince William, I’m not buying it. You get my point here…

And don’t even get me started on the hometown dates and the questions that friends and family ask. Imagine you are in the first 2 weeks of dating someone and their family poses these questions to you:

- “Are you ready to propose/accept proposal”?
- “So, you’ve known my son or daughter 10 days, are you willing to pick up your life and relocate here”?

2) Maybe this once, it actually will be the MOST SHOCKING EPISODE EVER: Nothing shocks me anymore. Movies are predictable, scripted TV shows are predictable, but this one show promises me every week that it will be the most shocking episode ever (with the trailers to prove it). OK, they have consistently failed to deliver, BUT what IF something shocking did happen and I wasn’t there to watch it? I would have missed Jen saying no to a proposal from Jerry even though she picked him (Season 3), Brad not picking anyone (Season 11), Jason picking Melissa, then breaking up with her and going back to his “runner up” Molly (Season 13), Rozlyn having an “inappropriate relationship” with a producer (which of course means that as a guy, I envision a True Blood graveyard hookup type scenario – Season 14) and then there’s Bentley (Season 7). Say what you want about the guy, but Bentley = ratings. Here we have a guy who would look to the Camera - Ferris Bueller style - and basically let you in on the joke. Yes, it was a sick and disturbing joke, but who could argue that it wasn’t shocking?

3) It’s like a car crash, its horrible, but I can’t look away: I don’t know if it’s just that these people have low self esteem, but I feel like I have to cover my eyes like a kid watching a horror movie as I watch the cringe worthy antics of each season’s “stars”. Obviously the “title characters” just want to get married – to ANYONE. Who walks into a room of 25 total strangers and says “I believe my husband is in this room”? I mean, if Ashley walked to terminal C, Gate 95 of Newark airport and said the same thing – people would look at her funny. Yet, she probably has a greater chance of actually finding her husband there (and have a more diverse choice). It is such a 1 sided relationship on this show. One person can date 25 people and the other person can only date you. The minions are just “hoping” for a date and then act like they are so interested in whatever unrealistic date they are on such as going to Thailand to walk the streets and paint baskets, when in reality, they would rather be at home, probably watching some other reality show. The bachelor(ette) is ALWAYS in control, dolling out roses like they are Ceasar – heck they might as well do the thumbs up / thumbs down since it is the same “judgement”. And really, if you think about it, what do you “win”? So yes, car crash is an apropos metaphor.

What I really want to see is a new reality program that shows the “winning” couple actually watching that seasons episodes together. Imagine watching JP (I assume) watch Ashley basically have a psychotic meltdown over Bentley after only 3 days after meeting him? Now that promises to be the most shocking episode ever!

Why do you watch?