Cartoons Then and Now...or Why my kids are more well-adjusted than I am

Recently I was watching some cartoons with my kids and it occurred to me how different these cartoons are from when I grew up.  Almost every cartoon I watched with them, from Octonauts to Special Agent Oso to Mickey Mouse Club to Handy Manny all had some educational or social component to it.  Contrast that to the cartoons I grew up watching such as Scooby Doo, The Looney Tunes, Captain Caveman and Josie and the Pussycats and it quickly became obvious that the children today are getting a very different message than I did when watching these shows.

So let’s compare and contrast some key messages from then and now.

Cartoons Now

·         Educate on Marine Life.  The Octonauts motto is Explore, Rescue, and Protect.  Pretty nice messages for kids right?  In each episode, not only do these underwater characters show they care about others, they also educate kids to all sorts of marine life.  Just recently I learned about both how Algae grows as well as that the only Iguana’s in the world that swim live off the coast of the Galapagos Islands.

·         Teach kids a second language and expose them to new cultures.  Yes, Dora the Explorer has the longest and most unnatural pauses in cartoon history.  Yes, it makes no sense that some animals talk and other's don’t.  However, by speaking in both English and Spanish she starts the process of educating kids at a young age to not just multi-languages, but also different cultures.

·         Help kids conquer early challenges.  On recent episodes of Special Agent Oso, this bear special agent has taught kids everything from proper manners while eating to how to line up for a fire drill to how to color in coloring books.  Yes, I have a higher bar for the qualifications of “special agents” but at least he wasn’t part of that advanced security team in Colombia who got busted for stiffing…er short-changing a “working girl”.

·         Teach kids teamwork.  My kids will watch Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, Donald & Daisy worked together to solve problems.  OK, I still don’t know what Goofy is.  If he is a Dog, why does he talk and Pluto doesn’t?  And does Mickey have an ego problem?  Everything is named after him.  Mouse-a-hey, Mouse-a-hi, Mouse-a-toe here we go?  Really Mickey?  I see him as some sort of Kingpin who makes everyone kiss his ring finger and refers to himself in the 3^rd person.  Ok I digress, as I was saying…Teamwork.

Cartoons Then

·         Encourage you to practice with guns.  I don’t think Elmer Fudd could hit the broad side of a barn, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying.  He would load up his gun and go out to try to shoot and kill our favorite Rabbit Bugs Bunny.  Think about that.  What if Swiper from Dora didn’t just try to steal Dora’s stars, but rather, came up behind her with a hunting knife and tried to cut her throat every episode?  Pretty messed up stuff Warner Brothers, pretty messed up indeed.

·         Teach us that old people usually commit crimes.  I think every episode of Scooby Doo ended up with the old caretaker being unmasked as the ghost/monster/all around bad guy.  As they were being taken away, they would have the parting words for the cops of “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.”  The morale of Scooby Doo?  Don’t trust anyone over the age of 40.

·         No matter the question, violence IS the answer.  Back in the day, a child may have the question “How should I deal with conflict?”  Well let’s look to our cartoons to see what they would recommend.  Tom and Jerry.  Wile-E-Coyote and the Roadrunner.  He-Man and Skeletor.  Woody Woodpecker and every other character on the show.  These shows were basically telling kids two things.  1)  If you don’t like someone, try to take them out…with dynamite if necessary.  And 2) if you do try to take them out, do not get products from ACME.

OKAY, I must note that yes, I did grow up with Schoolhouse Rock.  I still sing (to myself) Conjunction Junction What’s Your Function…although I still do not know what a conjunction’s function is.  And the real truth is that this show was just something bridging the time between Blue-Falcon & Dynomut and Jabber jaw.

Now I realize why my four year old kids are more well-adjusted than I am.  It all ties back to the cartoons!  And I won’t get started on kids of the 90’s.  With South Park and Robot Chicken, I don’t know how they survived.

What To Really Expect: Things you’re not told in “What to Expect when you’re Expecting”

Yes, having kids is the greatest blessing in the world.  And before having kids, there are lots of books out there to help you prepare for the joys of parenthood.  However, sometimes I wonder if those authors actually ever had kids themselves.  So, as the parent of 3 kids (4, 4, and 3), let me share some "additional" things to expect once your bundles of joy arrive and move into toddler-hood. 

·         Manage your expectations of what exactly it is you are going to see when you hear: "Daddy, watch this".

·         Pretending to be asleep doesn't work.  Kids will literally lift your eyelids open with their fingers and say “Daddy, are you awake?”

·         No matter how many toys your kids have, they will all want to consistently play with the same one at the same time.

·         Which toy?  The one that the other kid is playing with.

·         All those things you said you WEREN'T going to do when you had kids.  Trust me, you will do them.

·         Dora the Explorer is an acceptable babysitter.
·        The object of hide and seek is not for your kids to hide and you go find them.  It is for you to count, not move, and get a minute of peace and quiet until they come running back to you and you say "Oh, I couldn't find you".

·         When your kids are young, never...ever...read a book page by page.  When they get older, they become too smart and don’t allow you skip a page when you are in a hurry. “Daddy, go back you missed a page!  Daddy, I said go back”.

·         The time that your kids will get up in the morning is inversely proportional to the amount you drank last night.

·         Ignoring your kids or remaining silent doesn’t work.  Kids have no limit on the amount of times they can say the same thing over and over. “Daddy, I want to watch Mickey Mouse.  Mickey Daddy?  Mickey Daddy? Mickey Daddy? …”

·         Toddler’s have two types of cries.  The one they do to annoy you and the one that requires you to take them to the Emergency Room.  You will be able to tell the difference. 

·         You know that Verizon Fios ultimate TV package that you got to watch all the NBA, NFL, MLB and NHL games?  Forget it.  You better start rooting for Dora’s Soccer team, as that may be the only team you will ever see again.

·         Actually, just save your money and stream Disney Jr. to your TV.

·         No, we are not there yet, and we will never be there if you don’t stop asking!

·         Despite what you think, you WILL sound like your parents because 1) We do not heat/cool the whole world (so close the door) 2)There are starving people in Africa (so eat your food) and 3) We are not made of money.

The 10 Scariest Movies Ever

I know that any top 10 list is debatable and subject to personal preferences. So when I think of the top 10 scariest movies of all time, I am going by what personally impacts or affects me. For me, it is not only what makes me scared during the viewing of the movie, but more importantly, what stays with me afterwards. Do I watch with my hands over my face, and do I get nervous if I have to walk to the bathroom afterwards and fear looking in the mirror and hoping I don’t see the reflection of something out to get me!

With that said, below are my top 10 scariest movies...EVER

10. Scream (1996):

Scream is an interesting movie and one that some say revitalized the horror genre as it exploited clichés that films in the genre had become reliant upon. Scream is about a high school girl who becomes the target of a mysterious killer known as Ghost Face. While overall, I wouldn’t say the movie is in my top 10 scariest, if I just look at the first 10 minutes of the movie, I have to say that that sequence definitely ranked up there. In the introductory scene, a girl is home alone getting ready to watch a movie and she receives a phone call from a stranger that gets more and more intense. At one point the caller asks the girls name. The girl innocently asks why. As soon as we hear the response “Because I want to know who I am looking at” all bets are off. This scene is also why people need to know that Jason was not the killer in Friday the 13th.

9. The Omen (1976)

In the omen, a couple’s newborn dies shortly after birth and, at the urging of a priest, the father, without telling his wife, substitutes an orphan baby whose mother dies shortly after childbirth. This baby, which they name Damien, may or may not be the Antichrist.

Any movie which can take a name (Damien) and basically turn it into a cultural synonym for devil child or Antichrist has to make my list. Even to this day, over 35 years later, people still refer to misbehaving kids as “Damien”. Watch the movie (the original) and you will know why.

8. The Ring (2002)

This is a remake of a Japanese horror film that centers around a cursed video tape. After watching the tape, the viewer receives a phone call in which a voice announces that the viewer will die in 7 days. In all actuality, I am not sure if I really followed the storyline aside from the basic premise, but I do recall that after watching the movie and then an hour or so later my phone rang at home, I was hesitant to answer it. That, in and of itself, is enough to get the Ring on my top 10 list.

7. Friday the 13th (1980)

One thing you will notice is that traditional slasher/horror films are not necessarily the types of movies I find scary. Friday the 13th (the original) is 1 of 2 exceptions to my top 10 list.

Friday the 13th is about a group of teenagers (the typical horror movie victims) who are murdered one-by-one while attempting to re-open an abandoned campsite. Yes, the now clichéd story of rambunctious teens getting slaughtered in different methods has been done to death (see what I did there!), but at the time, this to me was a frightening experience. It is also funny (see Scream) that most people think the killer in Friday the 13th was Jason Voorhees, which is not true of the original movie.

6. Psycho (1960)

Psycho (the original again!) is about a secretary who steals money from her employer and goes on the run. She stops at a secluded motel and runs into a disturbed owner and manager named Norman Bates. Norman mentions that he rarely has guests and mentions that he lives with his mother in the house overlooking the hotel.

One of the things that shocked me is that the woman, who we think is one of the main characters, get murdered pretty early in the movie. The murder itself, stabbed in the shower, is a scene that has been embedded in our memories over the year (as well as the shrieking sound that we all have made when mimicking a fake stab). The scary part of the movie is really the “relationship” between Norman and his Mother (who he thinks stabbed the girl). Without giving away the ending, it resolves itself in an interesting twist.

5. Halloween (1978)

Halloween is my second (and last) “Slasher” film on the list. The movie starts on Halloween back in 1963 and follows six year old Michael Myers who murders his older sister by stabbing her with a kitchen knife. Fifteen years later, Michael escapes from a psychiatric hospital and returns home to stalk a teenager and her friends. Michael's psychiatrist follows him to try to prevent him from killing.

I also remember something that, today, wouldn’t seem such a big deal, but at the time was scary. At that was watching the Dr. Shoot Michael and watch him fall out a window and thinking that it is over. The camera then pans out the window as the viewer expects to see Michael’s body and seeing nothing. He was shot “6 times” and he walked away. Scary back in the day!

4. The Thing (1982)

The Thing is an alien that basically takes over and imitates people (and other living things). The Thing infiltrates a research station taking the appearance of each of the researchers that it kills. The remaining researchers find out and undergo paranoia trying to figure out who is real and who is “imitated”.

When I list this movie, I refer, of course, to the 1982 version and not the original “Thing from another world” nor the most recent prequel. The scary parts of the movie are not about the Alien, but how quickly people turn on friends they have known for years. It is as if we feel the same paranoia as the movie characters as we interpret each look or comment as we try to decide who we can trust.

3. The Shining (1980):

In the Shining, a writer takes a job as an offseason caretaker at an isolated hotel. Soon after settling in, the family is trapped in the hotel by a snowstorm and the man gradually becomes influenced by a supernatural presence; goes crazy, and attempts to murder his wife and son.

Yes, “Here’s Johnny” is now rather an amusing catch phase. However at the time watching Jack Nicholson descend into madness was terrifying. I don’t know if I ever understood the visions he had in the movie, but I do recall the young boy saying REDRUM (murder spelled backwards) and flashes of the twin girls sending chills down my spine.

2. Paranormal Activity 1 & 3:

The 1st movie is about a couple who are haunted by a supernatural presence in their home. The movie is in the style of found footage from camera’s set up around the house by the couple in an attempt to find out what is haunting them. The 3rd movie (I’ll skip the 2nd) is a prequel of sorts and follows the woman when she was a young girl (and her sister) growing up. The movie follows the same premise of her parents setting up a video camera to understand the strange happenings going on in the home and also trying to uncover the young girls “imaginary friend” who happens to be an evil spirit.

When I first saw paranormal activity, I said that it was the scariest movie I have seen since (the movie that is #1 on this list). It’s really the simplicity of the movie that is scary. Similar to Jaws which basically played some music and showed the ocean, the scares are in the imagination of wondering “what is going to happen”. In addition, because of the style of the movie and the amateur actors, you find yourself watching, and forgetting it’s a movie and thinking “this really could happen”. The 3rd movie adds in the element of a camera strapped to a ceiling fan. This adds the element of panning from room to room and knowing that something may be there. I literally watched these movies with my hands firmly over my eyes.

The Exorcist (1973):

The story centers on a young girl who may or may not be possessed by the devil and the priests who come to perform an exorcism.

I saw this movie decades ago and it is one that kept me up for days afterwards. To this day I still don’t re-watch it (granted that means I am not sure if the scares hold up over time). The transformation of the girl into a possessed monster was disturbing, not to mention some of the obscene things she said and did which I can only assume were extremely shocking during the early 70’s for movies. However, I wouldn’t say the scares came from shock value or gore, but rather how this innocent girl gradually gets taken over by possession and, again, the feeling that there is some level of “this could happen”.

Dear Me: Part II. Things my younger self would tell me now

1. Use your imagination more.  Just because you are an adult, does not mean you can’t play make-believe.
2. Remember, what you do is much more important than what you say.
3. Teach your kids how to think, not what to think.
4. There is no such thing as saying “I love you” too much.
5. 5 minutes is really not that long.  You are never too busy to play with your kids.
6. Just because you know that your son and daughter will “find someone else” when they go through a breakup, don’t forget how much it can hurt at the time.
7. Because I said so is not really an answer.
8. Go easy on your kids.  Remember, you broke a window once.  And a lamp.  And…
9. Just because it’s not the fad that you went through, doesn’t mean it’s stupid.
10. Remember, the music you listened to growing up was just bad noise to your parents too.
11. Just because you’re an adult, doesn’t mean you can’t listen.
12. You cannot prevent your kids from making mistakes.  You have made plenty in your life and you turned out okay.
13. You don’t always have to have the answer.  Sometimes an ear to bend is all that is needed.
14. Talk with your kids, not to them
15. I know you are busy, and you don’t think it is that exciting, but bring your kids to work with you once.  Remember how cool it was to see that “mysterious” place your dad went to every day.
16. Always remember, to the world you may be one person, but to one person you are the world.

Dear Me. Things I would tell my younger self

Dear Me.  Things I would tell my younger self

1. Listen more, talk less.
2. Make eye contact.
3. Say please and thank you.
4. Tell your parents that you love them more.
5. Don’t worry about what anyone else has.  Your things do not define who you are.
6. Try and let your mom eat a hot meal.  You don’t need seconds before she has had firsts.
7. Go find someone that no one else is talking to and say hello.
8. Don’t worry that you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up.  You still don’t know – and you’re doing OK.
9. I know that you feel that (Insert girl’s name here) broke your heart , but not only are there other fish in the sea, you will really enjoy fishing….for a while anyway.
10. You know that kid that’s been bullying you on the school bus?  Don’t worry, I’m at the Exxon now and he just pumped your gas.
11. You might want to hold on to those ripped jeans, one day you will actually pay top dollar for those “rips”.
12. …Those parachute pants on the other hand…not so much
13. Try not to be so insecure, you’re not as bad as you think you are…
14. …but keep in mind, as you grow up, you’re also not as good as you think you are either – be humble.
15. It’s not enough to not be a sore loser, don’t be a bad winner
16. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. 
17. It’s OK to cry…
18. … but not over not getting that toy you wanted.
19. And while you’re at it, try not to throw yourself prone on the floor of the department store if you don’t get your way.
20. You know those toys that make all that noise, don't use them until after 10am.
21. Your parents actually do know better…for a little while longer anyway.
22. No, you will not use algebra later in life
23. … however you will use “how you learned” algebra in almost everything you do
24. Even if your parents say they’re busy, keep asking them to play with you.  Believe me, they will be thankful.
25. But instead of saying “mommy” 17 times in a row, try saying “excuse me” and waiting for her to answer you
26. Give more, take less
27. Believe in Miracles

Bachelor Finale: Or how Ashley is the real winner!

In the biggest “no duh” move since I picked the Harlem Globetrotters to beat that team they play all the time, Ben finally picked Courtney

Things that would have made this the most shocking bachelor finale ever…

1. Ben giving the final roles to one of the sheep sitting outside the cottage he’s staying at in Switzerland
2. Ben gets eaten by a Zombie
3. The couple is actually in love and stays together
4. In an amazing cross network cross-over, Ben get’s thrown into the octagon for an ultimate fighting championship match.  His opponent is his hair

• What do ex-bachelorette’s get for Valentine’s Day?  I gotta think roses are pretty passé by now
• Chris Harrison says “Will Ben make the right choice” – Too late, he already agreed to be on the show
• You know who is the happiest that this season is over?  The ABC hairstylists
• Is the slow motion montage supposed to make me like these people more?
• What the heck is Ben crying about when he sees his mom and sister? It’s not like he was just released from a Turkish prison
• What do the girls love about you? “Well sis, I gave them a rose”
• Ben:  “My concern with Lindzi is do I need more time with her?”  What, you mean the 2 weeks of splitting between Lindzi and 20 other women wasn’t enough for you to propose.
• Model?  Are we sure Courtney is not an actress because she pulled the wool over Ben’s family’s eyes?
• Stuck on the Gondola, Lindzi knows it is the place and time to open up to Ben because the producer is standing behind him with cue cards.
• Lindzi “I am 200% vulnerable”.  Well Lindzi, first of all, that is mathematically impossible
• When a girl says “I love you” and a guy says “Awww Thank You”, it’s pretty much over
• Apparently ABC is in a contract where there must be a helicopter ride during which Ben and “fill in the blank” simultaneously say OMG (thanks Amy!)
• At this point, the producers are creating these scrapbooks for all the girls just in case they are picked in the end
• The Jeweler stops by. “No thanks Nathan Lane (or whatever the Jeweler’s name is), I still have the one from the last show”.
• Ben: “I can’t imagine life getting any better!”.   Yeah Ben, it’s not going to
• Courtney: “When Ben and I get engaged, I know it will last forever”. Um, yeah…or at least until Bachelor Pad 4 casting begins
• Ben to Lindzi in another example of him being a total idiot.  “I’ve fallen in love with you, but I am in love with someone else. I love someone else.  Sorry”
• Upon not getting the final rose, Lindzi gives us two more proof points as to why these women will never find love
• “I’m mad at myself for not giving you what you needed”
• “If things don’t work out, call me”
• Ben, you know you are really going to have to break the bank on your next proposal.  “You are really my forever, no really…seriously…stop laughing”
• Courtney: “This is supposed to be a story about love..”.  Oh sweetie, that is so cute, but no

Bachelor: The Women Tell All (Or the women get an extra 5 minutes of fame)

At this point, in order for next weeks episode to be "the most controversial finale of the bachelor ever", Ben would have to kill someone!

• Speaking of extending fame an extra couple of minutes, is this "where are they now thing" supposed to bring back fond memories of bachelors past?  It's more like that bad sushi I ate last night that is coming back to haunt me.
•  So, bachelor pad 3 is coming out.  This brings up a couple of key questions:
• Does the show come with Purell?
• How about antibiotics
• Do these people have jobs?
• Or lives?
• I think putting "occupation" subtitles on the screen for these people is walking that fine line of truth on television
• So, the women tell all episode?  I'm glad this show dispels the rumors that women are catty
• Girls, you all learned this in second grade.  Raise your hand if you wish to speak.
• I don't understand this hatred for Shawntel.  Move on because you were on Brads season? She's Brads dumpster trash? Well then by your logic not only is Ben Ashely's dumpster trash but all of you ladies are Ben's dumpster trash. Don't throw stones.
• One of the girls says about  Shawntel : "There's a right way and a wrong way to address the girls when you walk into the room".  No little one, there is no right way to ever BE seen on this show.
• Who the he'll is Samantha? Is she loud because no one remembers her from the show?  
• Chris Harrison finishes these girls sentences for them.  Fact is, he finishes them the same way every season regardless of which girl it is.  So you fell in love with him...it was hard...you're ok now...I bet there are guys in (insert girls city) who are happy your single
•  All the girls said they were blindsided when they didn't get the rose.  Well of course, they all said they loved him, he makes out with them and it's only later he says "sorry, didn't see it going anywhere"
• Sorry whatever your name is, you were NOT in love.
• Every time Courtney talks an angel loses his wings
• * Gotta give a Jeff a shout out for triggering this thought
• Look, I don't like Courtney at all, and I get that the girls don't like her because of how she talked about them...BUT weren't these the same girls that made fun of  Shawntel's hips about 15 minutes ago?
•  I half expected Courtney to look at the camera as she walked behind the curtain, shoot her finger guns and say "phew, phew winning"
• Jen says "I mean how could you take Blakely home to your mom (looks at Blakely) No offense."  Umm, No offense? of course not, why would that be offensive?
• Oh Jenna, you crazy insane blogger...how I missed you