Why I Watch The Bachelorette - A Guy's Point of View

Let me start off by saying that I didn’t start out as a willing watcher of this show. But after being asked or should I say forced to watch it, I was hooked. But why do I watch? I hear more than one person comment on how (insert random season’s couple) were “meant to be” or are “truly in love” – to which I say…”No” and then possibly gag. Each year, Chris Harrison talks about the success of the couples on the show in finding love. Of course he does, what is he going to say? Hey guys, get ready for this exciting season where (Insert Name) has less than a 5% chance of finding their soul mate. 5% and going downward - that’s the truth of the matter. Only 1 couple in 22 seasons has gotten married. In addition to poster children Trista & Ryan who everyone always refers to, only 1 other couple (Ali/Roberto) are even still dating. Note - Jason picked Mellisa, so he & Molly don’t count. For those watching this year, please keep this statistic in mind when Ashley eventually picks JP and people anoint them as the next great couple (until they break up).

So If I don’t believe that these people will really find love on the show (shocker), what keeps me interested in it? Three themes emerge for me:

1) The CONSISTENCY of the RIDICULOUSNESS: I swear it amazes me that I watch sometimes because it is so ridiculous. But I think it’s that I can rely on the insanity on the show week in, week out, season in, and season out that keeps me coming back. I can tell you right now that on the next season someone will say:

- “I believe that my Husband/Wife is standing in this room”
- “I am now ready to fall in love” and then say “I put walls up”
- “I am falling in love with (random person”) after 3 days
- “I don’t know what is wrong with me, no one will ever love me”
- The word “Journey” 17 times an episode

In addition, everyone has jobs that are blown out of proportion. Ashley is no more of a dentist than Hermey from Rudolph the red nosed reindeer was (actually Hermey actually worked on a dolls tooth so he may be one up on Ashley). Supposedly, one bachelor was a prince? Unless you send over Prince William, I’m not buying it. You get my point here…

And don’t even get me started on the hometown dates and the questions that friends and family ask. Imagine you are in the first 2 weeks of dating someone and their family poses these questions to you:

- “Are you ready to propose/accept proposal”?
- “So, you’ve known my son or daughter 10 days, are you willing to pick up your life and relocate here”?

2) Maybe this once, it actually will be the MOST SHOCKING EPISODE EVER: Nothing shocks me anymore. Movies are predictable, scripted TV shows are predictable, but this one show promises me every week that it will be the most shocking episode ever (with the trailers to prove it). OK, they have consistently failed to deliver, BUT what IF something shocking did happen and I wasn’t there to watch it? I would have missed Jen saying no to a proposal from Jerry even though she picked him (Season 3), Brad not picking anyone (Season 11), Jason picking Melissa, then breaking up with her and going back to his “runner up” Molly (Season 13), Rozlyn having an “inappropriate relationship” with a producer (which of course means that as a guy, I envision a True Blood graveyard hookup type scenario – Season 14) and then there’s Bentley (Season 7). Say what you want about the guy, but Bentley = ratings. Here we have a guy who would look to the Camera - Ferris Bueller style - and basically let you in on the joke. Yes, it was a sick and disturbing joke, but who could argue that it wasn’t shocking?

3) It’s like a car crash, its horrible, but I can’t look away: I don’t know if it’s just that these people have low self esteem, but I feel like I have to cover my eyes like a kid watching a horror movie as I watch the cringe worthy antics of each season’s “stars”. Obviously the “title characters” just want to get married – to ANYONE. Who walks into a room of 25 total strangers and says “I believe my husband is in this room”? I mean, if Ashley walked to terminal C, Gate 95 of Newark airport and said the same thing – people would look at her funny. Yet, she probably has a greater chance of actually finding her husband there (and have a more diverse choice). It is such a 1 sided relationship on this show. One person can date 25 people and the other person can only date you. The minions are just “hoping” for a date and then act like they are so interested in whatever unrealistic date they are on such as going to Thailand to walk the streets and paint baskets, when in reality, they would rather be at home, probably watching some other reality show. The bachelor(ette) is ALWAYS in control, dolling out roses like they are Ceasar – heck they might as well do the thumbs up / thumbs down since it is the same “judgement”. And really, if you think about it, what do you “win”? So yes, car crash is an apropos metaphor.

What I really want to see is a new reality program that shows the “winning” couple actually watching that seasons episodes together. Imagine watching JP (I assume) watch Ashley basically have a psychotic meltdown over Bentley after only 3 days after meeting him? Now that promises to be the most shocking episode ever!

Why do you watch?

From Book to Movies - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

So with my excitement over seeing Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 2 accompanied with just finishing the Hunger Games Trilogy it got me thinking, why do some book series succeed as movie franchises and others “fail”? Granted, my definition of “fail” is very much like Charlie Sheen’s definition of “winning” – very subjective. I have no training whatsoever in being an author (grammatically I struggle to use of good & well and their & there correctly) but I have flown over a million miles in my life (not exaggerating) & always have a book or 3 with me. I also wouldn’t know how to produce, direct or be a “key” grip on a movie, although I have watched more than my fair share; some good, some not, and some that star Lindsay Lohan. Anyway, it got me thinking about a couple of book series I enjoyed…and the accompanying movies.

The Good

The Lord of the Rings – I think this turned into one of the most visually appealing movie translations of a book series – as well as the only reason I put up with the endless “Who are you wearing” questions during the 2003 Academy Awards when Return of the King won best picture. In addition to the cinematography, special effects & action, there actually was some quite good acting (Éowyn’s “silent” love of Aragorn, and Sam carrying Frodo at the end of the movie come to mind). Funny, in retrospect, I went back and re-read the books, and found them less fun than I originally remembered (too many names to remember and those god-forsaken songs to sift through). However, I still believe that the movies were a masterpiece conversion, especially by (channeling the voice of Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter) – “Omitting - that which should be omitted”

Harry Potter and the…(Insert cool book title here) –Speaking of Harry…The books have sold 450M copies. It is the highest grossing movie franchise of all time (seven films released grossing $6.3 billion worldwide). What more is there to say? Well, there is plenty more but since Pottermania is running wild right now, there is no need to repeat all the awesomeness that is Harry. Now excuse me while I go eat some Bertie Botts flavored beans.

Honorable Mention: James Bond

The Bad

The Chronicles of Narnia – I struggled with the placement of this one as I felt the first book/movie was excellent but that it went downhill from there. With worldwide box office receipts totaling almost 1.5B, it’s hard to label this series “bad”…yet I will. It may not be fair to just say the movies went downhill after the first one, because I also felt the books did as well. Part of that is due to the changing out of the main characters every 2 books or so. The reason I typically like book series is that I get attached to the characters and like to see them grow from book to book. So this may be less of an indictment of the translation of the book to a movie and more of the loss of characters I can stay connected with – which somehow became more irritating to me in the movie version. However, I can’t shake the feeing the loss of connectedness to the characters as the movies go on is also attributed to how the storytelling was converted to the screen – with a focus more on special effects than story. Two more movies have been signed with 1 more book still undecided. I also know that I will go see it, although I will hate myself for it, so it cancels itself out.

A Series of Unfortunate Events - Here we have a best-selling book series that sold over 60M copies, yet I found myself almost bored with the movie adaptation. The movie combined the first 3 books, understandable in a 13 short book series, but it seemed to play havoc with the timeline as well as the “feel” of the story. Jim Carey played an over the top, comical Olaf which was different than the serious and dour Olaf from the books. Granted, why hire (and pay) “Ace Ventura” if you don’t want that “over the top-ness”, but for me, it took away what was special about the books. Although the movie did gross 118M in US (210M worldwide), no sequels are currently being planned.

Honorable Mention: Cirque Du Freak

The Ugly

The Left Behind Series – How can a 16 book series that sold between 65- 100M copies (depending who you quote),had 4 books occupying the 4 top slots of NY times best seller list at the same time, have video game, graphic novel and a young kid book series tie-ins fail as a movie franchise? The easy answer could be “They cast Kirk Cameron in the star role, and Mike Seaver is no Buck Williams”. Yet Fireproof was an amazingly touching movie and that also starred the same guy who was on the cover of Teen Beat (I have a sister so it wasn’t me who got Teen Beat each week…Honest!). Some may say the topic is too “religious”, although I would refer them to Passion of the Christ & The Ten Commandments (plus Fireproof) as a counter point. With a built in audience and a story full of interesting characters, espionage and “stuff blowing up”, you would think the movie would be worth spending some decent cash on even if it doesn’t have a car that turns into a robot (OK Autobot – whatever!!). The movie was so full of cheese, it lost all semblances to the book – even though the plot lines were fairly close. Cloud Ten announced they plan to remake the series with increased production values – but my confidence is low.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians – I can’t stress how disappointed I was in the movie translation of the first book of this 5 book series (that at one point was on the NY Times Children’s Best Seller list for 177 weeks). Not that there weren’t some visually appealing scenes, but it just proves that special effects cannot save a movie, especially one that veered so far off the path of the book. Heck, the main “bad guys”, Ares & Kronos, were for all intents and purposes, left out of the movie. I don’t know if they thought it was too complicated for a movie, but I think anyone that read the books, must have had the same thing happen to them as they watched the movie…which was a constant inner voice that said “Wait, this wasn’t what happened” in almost every other scene.

Honorable Mention: The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising

So what does it take to successfully transition from print to video? Obviously a good book for starters. Staying true to the story (edit where appropriate but don’t massively rewrite!) Use Special Effects to enhance the written word – not to replace it. The right casting for sure (Thank you to Chris Columbus for casting Daniel Radcliff instead of Haley Joel Osment as our boy Wizard). And a bit of luck doesn’t hurt. What other book series did or did not succeed as a movie in your eyes?

What will it take to get you to the movies?

Let me start off by saying that while I love movies, it takes something special for me to venture to the theater. Waiting 4 months for a DVD to come out is getting easier and easier when compared with the cost of a ticket and snacks, the crowds and noise at my local theater. That said, there are times when even I will pry open the wallet and venture out to the theater for an event. So when Avatar was released in 3D, I was there. When Clash of the Titans or No Strings Attached came out, I stayed away. That said, there are 10 movies coming out in the next 12-18 months that are on my radar and just may get me to venture on out once again.

10 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: I’ll admit, I didn’t read the book. However hearing that there may be “good” vampires makes me nostalgic for Angel (sorry Twilight fans). The combination of mixing accurate historical facts (I assume minus the Vampires) into the story also appeals to my fascination with history. Let’s hope the decision to make it in 3D doesn’t blind the crew and take away from story itself.

9 James Bond 23: So, in the midst of their financial woes, MGM has figured a way to release another James Bond movie? As long as the plot isn’t Bond navigating the complex partnerships it is going to take to release this film, it should be a great move. Daniel Craig is back as 007 and has added some new life into the franchise. Personally, I went through a period of time where I had no interest in James Bond (Pierce Bronson, Timothy Dalton, and even an aging Sean Connery in Never Say Never Again) just didn’t capture the magic of Sean Connery in Dr. No or even Roger Moore’s spin on the character in movies like Live and Let Die. Craig revitalized that interest for me and in my opinion is neck and neck with early Sean Connery as the quintessential Bond.

8 Red State: I admit that I am a sucker for Kevin Smith movies and his focus on dialogue. I realized Smith was different for me early on in Clerks as Dante and Randall discussed whether or not the independent contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star from Star Wars were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels. I became hooked as he gave his take on religion (Dogma), Lesbianism (Chasing Amy) and even shopping malls (Mallrats). OK that wasn’t really about shopping. I even stayed loyal through Zack and Mirni. That said, while I don’t know much about Red State other than it will be (another) one of Smith’s views on fundamentalist religion, he already had me at Death Star.

7 Odd Thomas / The Dark Tower: I list these 2 movies with trepidation since the majority of Steven King/Dean Koontz books made into movies ultimately fail (The Stand/Carrie excluded). However as a devoted reader of both authors, I have to hope that this will be the one(s) to break through. I list them both to increase my odds!

6 OZ - Great and Powerful: A 2012 release that will provide the origin story of the Wizard. I love origin stories and Wizard of Oz still ranks in my top movies of all time, yet I have been largely unsatisfied with any other forays back into the this world. The books Wicked & Son of a Witch? Couldn’t follow for long. The Wiz? Nope. Muppet Wizard of Oz?. Nada. Return to Oz? Seriously? Tin Man was enjoyable but very loosely based on the movie. That said, this movie starring James Franco promises to fulfill my yearning for another adventure in the land of OZ.

5 The Hobbit (Unexpected Journey & There and Back again). Yes, I’ve lumped another two movies together. It seems the trend these days is to make multiple movies out of a single book. However, with the Hobbit, its’ been a long time coming. With Peter Jackson, Orlando Bloom and Ian Mckellan involved, I have high expectations. We know that Bilbo, Gandalf, Elrond and Legolas will survive but we also knew that Anakin would fall to the Dark Side and become Darth Vader, so I am not overly concerned. However, I am not sold that Bilbo will be as relatable as Frodo as a main protagonist, but I will have to trust in Jackson and the source material.

4 Despicable Me 2: As a father to 3 young children who are addicted to Despicable Me, I have a personal longing for this movie if for no other reason that I will not have to watch the original for the 317th straight time.

3 The Avengers: My only question is how so many superheroes will get enough screen time within a 2 hour movie. Ensemble casts work well when there are not too many big name actors (compare Lord of the Rings with Expendables). How will it work with both the actors and their characters having super egos? While that remains to be seen (literally), I am too intrigued by the characters to not go see it. And while I will hope for a civil war type plot from the comics, I will be satisfied just getting these “super” personalities all on screen together….that is until Justice League of America gets announced.

2 The Hunger Games: I am in the middle of reading this trilogy and it already has become an addictive read for me. For someone who couldn’t get through the Twilight books (OK I did but it was painful), I have been searching for another series that would capture my attention like Harry Potter did. The first book (and this movie) will focus on post apocalyptic world where kids have to fight for the death every year as punishment for a failed revolt against the government. The casting seems spot on and the story is a winner.

1 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II: For loyal viewers and readers like myself who have followed both the characters and the actors as they grew up over the course of the story, this feels like I am saying goodbye to a good friend. For those that read the book and seen the trailers, this promises to be a yet again darker chapter in the overall story arc and the culmination of Good versus Evil in the wizarding world of Harry Potter.

What will it take to get you out to the movies?