The Good Old Days

I remember when my parents & grandparents used to tell me about “back when they were a kid” and how so many things have changed.  How my generation had it so easy, dressed so weird, had crazy hairstyles and listened to horrible music.  “What is this “noise” you’re listening to?”  (By the way, I think it was Run DMC & LL Cool J and try not to think about that one time with Samantha Fox).  They talked about the difference in growing up and how they walked uphill to school (both ways). 

Well the other day I was thinking about how kids today and how things were very different back when I was growing up. 

1. When I was little I had an X-Box Kinect, except it was called actually going outside and playing with my friends
2. We wouldn’t email or text anyone.  We would however, write on a piece of paper, pass it across the classroom so a girl could read: “Do you like me?  Yes. No. Maybe.  Check one box”
3. I never had a play date.  Instead I walked to my friends houses, knocked on their door and asked if they could come out and play
4. We used an encyclopedia not Google. Plagiarizing was much, much harder!
5. We answered the phone with Hello because we had no idea who was calling
6. I wasn’t worried about drugs or pregnancy, however I was worried about getting picked last for kickball
7. Yes, at one point I had only 5 channels on TV, yet there was always something to watch
8. I didn’t have an I-Pad, I-Pod, I-Home, PSP, Nintendo DS etc - but I did have an imagination – oh yeah, and my GI-Joe action figures
9. Social Networking was when we actually met people face to face
10. I would call adults Mr. or Mrs.  I didn’t even know they HAD first names
11. Calling your kids on their cell phone? Nope, didn’t exist, but parents screaming out their front door that it was time for dinner – everyone heard that!
12. Girls wore earrings, boys didn’t
13. Taking candy from strangers?  Yay…free candy!
14. Aids didn’t exist until I heard about Magic Johnson
15. I knew what Willis was talking about
16. Receipts from stores were actually short and not a dissertation about such-and-such brand that brought down an acres of rain forest to print
17. Family game night was played with actual board games and not with family members in different rooms linked together through wi-fi
18. Baseball hats were worn facing forward
19. We would talk to strangers and respect adults
20. Roller Skating was considered fun – until the slow song came on and you sweated over finding a girl to skate with, and of course, falling down
21. There was only 1 Captain from Star Trek and his name was Kirk
22. There was no such thing as reality stars
23. The Gooch was the most feared bully on TV. Extra points for anyone who gets that reference
24. O.J. Simpson ran through airports (sans knife and bloody glove) on hertz commercials
25. Michael Jackson was alive and Paul McCartney was dead (well only if you played the Beatles I’m so Tired backwards)
26. Vampires didn’t sparkle
27. The bathroom was "The Fonz's" office?
28. Donald Trump had bad hair – OK maybe things haven’t changed in that regard

My god, I am turning into my parents.  Now excuse me while I walk to work - - uphill…both ways

How far has Tebow mania gone?

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him  around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity Tom, said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Tom felt special indeed, and walked up to his house.

On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a huge 3-story mansion with Orange and Blue sidewalks and drive ways, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Broncos logo flag waving, a swimming pool in shape of a horse, a Broncos logo in every window, and a Tim Tebow jersey on the front door.

Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 3 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said "So what's your point Tom?"

"Well, why does Tim Tebow get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "Tom, that's not Tim's house, it's mine."

Leaving On A Jet Plane

I travel.  I travel a lot.  I have flown over a million miles in my lifetime.  I have woke up in hotels and not known where I was because it is my 3^rd location in 3 days.  I have ridden in rental cars from small cars I couldn't fit in to mini-vans I could swim in.  Many of my friends and family (and strangers) think travel is glamorous.  Well think again…

Going Through Security

These people are not your friends, nor do they have a sense of humor.  If they ask you to take off your shoes, please do it.  Do not engage in a discussion around why you shouldn’t have to.  Do not then walk through with your shoes on and act surprised when they pull you into the holding pen – which by the way is just a glass enclosure where you are on display like a goldfish with people staring and poking the glass at you.  You will not win the argument and you will hold up the rest of us.

Now, I am not on a soapbox about security agents.  They have their faults too.  My biggest issue? Its how they use the conveyor belt for their own personal amusement.  You know what I mean.  Your luggage and laptop and shoes and coat are all going through.  You wait on the other end with the other passengers like your awaiting the birth of a baby – staring into the abyss – yep there it is, my laptop is coming out…And it’s a DELL!  It would be fine if it ended there – but no such luck.  Bags pile up – the belt keeps running, things are crashing into each other and travelers frantically try to get on their shoes, get their 3 oz liquids packed, and answer their ringing cell phone.  All the while your thinking, yeah, the TSA agent can stop the belt and this chaos.  Its is most likely this vicious circle of events.  I bet as a kid, the TSA Conveyor belt guy would chase the ice-cream truck yelling STOP ICE CREAM MAN STOP as the driver looked in the mirror and sped up just a little to get that person to run faster.  I choose to just stand there and wait for this game to stop – while eating an ice cream cone!

Delays at Airports

You rush through security, you get to your gate and you see the dreaded 20 minutes delayed for your flight.  Now, frequent travelers know that airport delay times are like dog years, you have to do a conversion to understand the true impact.  20 minutes delay means that the plane hasn’t even left yet from the airport it is coming from, but the airlines do not want to give you enough notification so you can actually go somewhere for the 2 hours it will take (best case) to get here.  Rather the delay time is updated in 20 minute increments with the announcement saying – even though were telling you there is no way the flight can get here, you have to stay in the boarding area. 

That leaves us stranded travelers searching out the three most valuable commodities during airport delays

1.       An outlet.  People will camp out next to an overflowing dumpster just to be able to plug in their phone or laptop

2.       Decent food.  I don’t know why I do it, but I will look at a sandwhich and even though I know that the 7 other times I have had it, it tasted like cardboard…I still go for #8.  WHY do I think this time will be different?

Using Overhead Space

I am not sure if people understand the proper use of overhead space.  This space is for carry-on luggage.  I could go into how people try to fit these oversized bags into this tiny space when the laws of measurements dictate that it won’t happen.  However, I am going in the other direction.  I come on with my properly sized carry-on bag and go to put it in the overhead space by my seat.  What’s there – another bag? Nope. Rather a hat. Or a suit-jacket.  A Hat? Seriously? You couldn’t wear it or put it on your lap on a full flight?  And your suit jacket? The proper protocol is for you to put your jacket on-top of your bag – not lying down taking up a whole spot for a bag.  And when I ask – it becomes like a desert scene – tumbleweeds blowing across the aisle… no one says a word

Sitting on the Plane

You think that this would be the easiest part of the trip.  Get to your seat, sit down and either hold on with white knuckles, or kick back and relax depending on your point of view.  If it were only that easy!  Once I sit down, here are, in no particular order, the things that will ultimately happen:

·         The person getting into the seat behind me will continuously pull down on the back of my seat when getting up or down – causing me to either spill my drink, drop my phone, or get more dizzy than when I rode space mountain in Disney World

·         The person in front of me will recline their seat all the way back, crushing my knees, snapping my laptop shut on my fingers, all while giving me a birds-eye view of their scalp

·         I will be reading a book, in fact I will have the book right up to my face like I am trying to burrow my way into it, and the person next to me will feel that somehow this is body language that screams, lets engage in a conversation

·         I will sit in the Aisle seat and when “window seat person” either comes in or out of the row, they don’t even wait for me to get up and let them in/out, they just squeeze right by me.  Let me tell you, face first, back first, it doesn’t matter – there is no good way to do this.

Getting off the plane

There is this rule of “turns” that we learned when we are 2 or 3 years old.  You know, as in, there is an orderly fashion for things and we all take our appropriate turn. This rule does not go away just because you are on a plane.  So, when it comes time to de-board the plane, that doesn’t mean that last one out is a rotten egg.  It means that we orderly get up according to row, get your bags and leave the plane.  And while I understand catching a connection, there is such a thing as courtesy where you say excuse me, rather than hip-checking me back into my seat like you are from the old Philadelphia Flyers Hockey Team.

Checking Luggage

The best I say about waiting for your checked baggage is equate it to playing a game of Russian Roulette.  You know that someone (bag) will not make it through, you just hope it’s not yours.

So the next time someone tells you about all the trips they have to take, hold off on those jealous feelings, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds!