Bachelor Week 5: Part II: Because They Couldn’t Fit All The Crazy Into 1 Night

• After watching the scenes for Part II, some girl better lose a limb…well except for the one arm girl, because that would be just cruel.
• Really Sean, yesterday’s Rose ceremony is the thing that makes you question if you can find your wife on this show? 

1:1 Date with some girl

• What is she wearing?  She looks like a maid.  Maybe that is the fairy tale part?
• An ice castle…with a fire.  Um, does anyone else see the potential for a melt down here?  Get it.  Melt Down.  See what I did there?
• Sean “What don’t I know about you?”.  Really, how about everything?
• I may have been thinking this is my head instead but this is what I heard her say  “I was a clone developed during the clone wars, became a bounty hunter and watched my clone dad get his head chopped off”…oh, no wait, that was Boba Fett.  Instead let me tell you this story about camp…
• This show becomes a series of one-up-manship.  Girl with one arm.  Girl falls down the stairs.  Girl given up for adoption.  Girl has tree fall on fellow camper.  Girl gets frozen in water.  You know next week a girl will cut off her legs and arms, inject herself  with the ebola virus and she will be this torso saying she has 6 months to live and her make – a – wish is to get a rose.

Group Date:

• Holy crazy person laugh.  I expected Selma to be petting a bald cat while laughing like that.
• Sean, “It’s been an incredible day so far”…really, all you did is row a boat.
• Sean “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but I hope you do if you really want a rose”.  Sounds like the girls have a choice to me.
• Sean “you won’t die”.  5 minutes later “Uh, I don’t think she is breathing”
• It’s nice to see the fake concern of these girls over Tierra.  “Oh yeah, I hope she is um, not dead”
• Let’s see girl that didn’t jump into a frozen lake.  Sean can’t respect that you actually had an opinion and didn’t want to do something.  I think that is a foreshadowing of your future relationship.
• Every time someone gets a rose on a group date  all the other girls have looks on their face like “What the?”
• Holy crap, he sends home Sarah “the one armed girl”.  Now I won’t know anyone’s name
• The one girl who was actually sweet and nice gets sent home.  A lesson to the ladies I guess.
• Sarah comes out in the hallways crying.  Sean looks at her and says “Are you ok?”.  Just peachy Sean, just peachy.

1:1 Date with Des

• Sean “Anytime you get in a relationship it’s about taking a chance”.  Yeah Sean, but it’s not about jumping off a literal mountain
• Des “Oh no I hope I don’t die”.  Don’t worry Des, if you do, I got 10 other girls that will help me get over you.
• Sean “This was such a rewarding day for Des”.  Me?  Not so much
• So, now that you answered my pop quiz correctly, here’s a rose.

Rose Ceremony

• Because of my culture I have not kissed him on national television.  Wow, that is some very specific rules for that culture.
• If we cut of Ashlee’s arm, she may be my new favorite.
• How sad is it that I pay enough attention to say “Well, I know Tierra gets a rose because I saw a scene with her in a peach dress and she hasn’t worn one yet”

Bachelor 2013 Week 5: Part I: Sean Should Have Given The Rose To The Horse

Start of Show:

• Some Girl “Sean is making my dreams come true”.  No sweetie, the producers are.
• Some Blonde Girl:  “I am going to see my boyfriend”.  What? Do you even hear yourself talk?
• Chris Harrison “Girls, we are going to Montana!”  *crickets* you could almost hear the depression in the room.
• Did he actually pack that flannel shirt before this show started?

Lindsay 1:1 Date

• *Walks out & see’s big Helicopter* Lindsay: “Is that a Helicopter?”  Um, no Lindsay, it’s a puppy.
• Seriously, just once I want someone to say “I hate concerts”.  
• At least these dates are setting the appropriate expectations for dates post the show.  “What do you mean we are going to see a local band, where is my private U2 concert?”

Group Date

• Milking the goat…is probably the only event in this relay where the girls will re-use that skill…sort of
• So it’s like the blue team basically gets a medal for trying?
• Red team girl who drank the goats milk is like, WHAT THE HELL?
• Seriously, I can’t keep any of these girls straight.  Is that the adopted one?
• Blonde Girl ”This is not a competition?”   No, not at all blonde girl….not a competition at all…if this was called Polygamist Bachelor
• “The red team is not happy that I brought back the blue team…and I get it”…like who wouldn’t want to be with me?
• Dude, if you do not see stalker boil a bunny rabbit on the kitchen stove top potential in Tierra, you are crazy.
• “Do you mind if I steel him”…just once I want a girl to say “No, not at all, as long as you don’t mind if I punch you in the throat”
• Why would you comfort the other girls? I’d be like, yeah, you’re right.  He probably isn’t that all into you…I think you should just quit.

2 on 1 date: Tierra & Jackie

• 2 girls, one guy.  Sounds much cooler than this actually was.
•  “I am going to be honest with him about Tierra”.  Tsk, tsk, tsk oh you are so naïve.
• “I am not going to talk bad about another girl”…but Tierra is such a bitch
• Looking at Tierra on that rocking chair makes me think the guys from Deliverance would be scared of her
• Holy Awkward Batman
• “I was hoping tonight would be much easier”.  Seriously Sean, what did you expect? Hey guys, let’s play some Balderdash?
• Tierra “I was with a guy who was in and out of rehab”.  Sean “Drug and Alcohol?”…Uh no Sean an addiction to Barney the dinosaur.
• Sean should have given the rose to the horse
• I wonder how many people yelled “you are such an ass Sean” at the TV when he gave the rose to Tierra…The answer is probably 1.  Me.

Rose Ceremony

• Sean “I think you know where you stand”.  Yep, you stand exactly with a 1:15 chance
• Desire told Sean she didn’t know where she stood and Sean says “Now I don’t feel comfortable with Des”.  Lesson learned from this ceremony….never be honest.
• Uh Sean, Kacie B.  tried to tell you specifics about Tierra and you sent her home.  So I wouldn’t say that there is a track record for encouraging honesty among the women
• If one of those girls pushed Tierra into the fire and she ended up like Harvey Dent from Batman…this would absolutely go down as the best show that ever aired on Television!