Thanks to movies…
1. Not
only can animals talk, but they are probably making fun of me right now. Yeah, screw you right back squirrel! (Dr. Doolittle / Zookeeper / Every Animated
Movie ever)
2. When
I drive through a tunnel and get to the center, I always look for doors and a
way to get higher than the water that will inevitably come gushing through when
the tunnel collapses (Daylight)
3. I
think that all prostitutes have a heart of gold (Pretty Woman / Milk Money)
4. I
am always on the lookout for wooded areas where I can take drive away as soon
as the Russians parachute in (we know they will). I also start inventorying the
things that I will need to “borrow” from the local gas station to get me
through the winter. (Red Dawn)
5. When
I see above ground electric poles on an open field, I stop and wait for the
monsters that will come and eat them away like a deranged Pac-man (Langoliers)
6. Every
time I hear the song…
a. Cruel Summer by Bananarama – I think of
Ralph Machio playing soccer (Karate Kid)
b. Poker Face by Lady Gaga – I think of a
dancing half goat half boy in a casino (Percy
Jackson)
c. I’m Alright by Kenny Loggins – I think
of a dancing gopher (Caddyshack)
7. If
I go 1 on 1 with someone in any contest, I use a fake Russian accent and say…. “I
must break you”. Of course, I guess that
is better than going to the hospital and looking in on people and saying “If he
dies…he dies” in the same accent. (Rocky
IV)
8. Any
pitch that is remotely out of the strike zone is met with a resounding “Just a
bit outside” in my best Bob Uecker imitation (Major League)
9. Whenever
I am on a boat, in any weather, I yell…”Iceberg…right ahead!” (Titanic)
10. I grew up thinking the fastest
way to a girls heart was to raise my boom box above my head and play “In your
eyes” (Say Anything)
11. Anytime I reference a large
amount of money, I automatically say 1 billion dollars and put my pinky in my
mouth. (Austin Powers)
12. I
tried to befriend my old eccentric neighbor thinking he may have a time machine
made out of a Delorean in his garage.
Nope, he was just weird. (Back to the Future)
13. I
wonder why the president just doesn’t come out and say that he knows about Area
51 and the upcoming alien invasion (or asteroid heading towards Earth) but that
it is OK because Will Smith (or Bruce Willis) is on the case (Independence Day / Armageddon)
14. I think every archeologist
carries a bullwhip (Raiders of the Lost
Arc)
15. Anytime I have a cold I just
assume it is some sort of Zombie Virus (Dawn
of the Dead / 28 Days Later)
16.Every time I hear “This one
time…” I follow up with…Yeah you know the rest
