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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Things My Kids Say



“The soul is healed by being with children.” 

Sometimes, during the course of everyday life, my kids will say something that just stops me in my tracks.  At times like this, they will make me smile, chuckle, laugh and sometimes cry.  I'd like to think it's validation of our parenting, but more likely it is God's way of making me a better person through them.

*Son hitting wiffle ball off of a tee*
Me: “When you grow up do you want to be a professional baseball player?”
Son: “No Daddy”
Me: “Are you sure, you hit the ball well and will be famous”
Son: “No daddy, I want to be a doctor and help people”
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Me: “Daddy has to go on a plane”
Son: “Are you scared?”
Me: “Sure, a little”
Son: “Don’t be"...*looks around*...I‘m really Superman and I will fly and save you”
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Daughter” ‘Daddy, I need to tell you a secret”
Me: “Later baby, Daddy’s busy”
Daughter: “But Daddy, it’s important”
Me: “Can’t it wait 5 minutes”?
Daughter: “No daddy, its reeeaaallllyy important”
Me: “OK, what is it”
Daughter whispers in my ear “Daddy, you’re my best friend and I’ll love you forever”
*Melts*
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Daughter: “Daddy, are you OK?”
Me: “I’m just a little sad”
Daughter: “It’s OK, I will kiss it better”
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Me:” Sweetie, Daddy has to go away and won’t be home to Friday.”
Daughter: “That’s OK, lay down and I will rub your back until you get home”
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Wife: “Try to be nice to daddy, he isn’t feeling well”
*Son walks into my room with his favorite stuffed bear that he never sleeps without*
Son: “Here daddy, you can sleep with bear tonight”

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Walking Dead: The Prison, Woodbury & the Governor


Walking Dead: The Prison And the Town of Woodbury

Spoiler Alert:  While they are not the same, the below contains information about the Walking Dead comics which could give away certain plot points of the TV show.

This was written prior to tonight's episode

HOW DID WE GET HERE?
A quick recap of some of the major differences from the TV show and the comics leading up to the Prison & the town of Woodbury.

New Faces:  Daryl, Merle & T-Dogg did not exist in the comic, while arguably one of the favorites in the comic (Tyreese) does not exist in the TV show.   Daryl has been an excellent addition, I just hope he doesn’t meet the same fate that Tyreese met in the comics.

How Shane Died: While Carol shoots Shane in both the Comics and the show, I liked the comic version better where he shoots him while alive – not as a zombie).  Rick buries Shane in the comics and only later goes back to dig him up and shoot him when he realizes her will turn.

Dead or Alive:  There are several differences, but key characters Sophia and Dale died in the show & are alive during this story line in the comics.

Cool or Not Cool:  On the show, Andrea's kind of annoying but in the comics she's pretty cool.  Carol, if she lived past last week's episode is kind of worthless.  In the comics she is still worthless, but crazy (makes out with a zombie, hooks up with Tyrese, attempts to hook up with Lori as well as ask Lori and Rick if they want a 3-some type of marriage, attempts suicide, then does let a zombie eat her on purpose...yep crazy.

Entering the Prison: In the show, everyone attempts to escape the farm and end up at the Prison (except for Andrea who meets up with Michonne in the woods).  In the comics, Hershel kicked Rick and crew off of the farm who end up at the prison (except for Glenn who stays with Maggie).  Rick later invites Hershel and his group to join them since it is more secure and they accept.

NOW THAT WE ARE HERE, WHAT’s DIFFERENT SO FAR?
We all saw Rick & crew take the prison and meet up with the prisoners.  In the comics, there was no early confrontation with the prisoner's and rather, the prisoners are allowed into the group, some seeming more dangerous than others.

Tomas vs Thomas: In the show, Tomas was the leader who got up close and personal with Rick’s Machete.  In the comic, Thomas (see what they did there) was a supposedly normal con who ended up decapitating two of Hershel’s twin daughters.  He also attempted to do the same to Andrea (ended up slicing up her face).  Rick savagely beat him and wanted to hang him in the prison yard but the others were against it.  Ultimately one of the women sympathized with him and tried to break him out of the prison – and he tried to kill her too.  Maggie ended up shooting Thomas dead and Hershel had his body thrown out to the Zombies.

Axl: In the show he is the rather shy prisoner who is still alive.  In the comic he is a big biker dude in for armed robbery who becomes a big asset to the team…although he doesn’t make it – another casualty of the Governor.

Meeting the Governor (And The Town of Woodbury).  In the show, Michonne and Andrea are on there own and come across the the Governor at a Helicopter crash. In the comics, Rick, Michonne (who meets the crew at the Prison after saving Otis (yet, he is still alive in the comic, although he is more of a redneck) and Glenn investigates, the crash and finds Woodbury.  The Governor had captured the helicopter people and fed them to the zombies to keep them at bay.  At the end, a guy from town seemingly helps them escape (it was a set up so the Governor could find the prison).

Lori’s Death:  In the comics, Lori gives birth to a baby girl (delivered by a 2 legged Hershel).  However, the Governor invades the prison in a takeover attempt (he convinces the townspeople that Rick and crew are the “bad” guys), and the survivors need to make a run for it.  The governor orders one of his people to kill both Lori and the girl in the escape.  She does but realizes it was wrong and shoots the Governor.  Rick and Carl have to continue on alone.  You all know what happened on the show.
STILL TO COME?

If the show continues to bring in most of the comic story lines, below are a few that I am most looking forward to.

Let’s Give Rick a Hand:  It’s early in the TV show, but in the comic, the first meeting between Rick and Governor ended with the Gov cutting off Rick’s hand.

The Governor and Michonne:  The comics did an almost too good of a job setting up how Evil the Governor was.  After he cuts off Rick’s hand, Michonne attacks the Governor.  The Governor then captures Michonne and tortures her relentlessly for days (while forcing Glenn to listen).  It was so disturbing and graphic I cringed and had to turn away from the comic.  The author calls out that there are two types of people who will survive in this world and he wanted to show how cruel and evil the Governor could be.  I honestly hope they do not go to these lengths in the TV show.  On the plus side, Michonne gets her revenge which was extremely satisfying (although she doesn’t kill him).
Zombie Thunderdome: In an effort to entertain the townspeople of Woodbury, the Governor creates a sort of Thunderdome where two people fight each other with Zombies tied up around them in a circle.  While I thought it was a pretty cool visual, I am not sure why the seemingly normal townspeople didn’t find it a little odd.
Head's Up Tyreese:  In an attempt to get Rick to open the prison gates, he captures Tyreese and cuts off his head in front of the prison survivors.  Hopefully this is not Daryl’s end since he has become the second in command it seems (much like Tyreese was in the comics).

A Penny For Your Thoughts:  In the comic, the Governor’s Niece Penny is a zombie.  He ties her up in his apartment and feeds her body parts from various people he captured or townspeople to keep her alive.
I love that the show, for the most part, is true to the comics.  It also allows itself to create its own characters and stories.  Both are fantastic and I look forward to seeing how the show honors the comics while also creating its own characters and stories.

Post episode thoughts:

I see both Penny and the Zombie Thunderdome was included (hell yeah!).  As far as the phone call at the end of the episode...that was something that occurred in the comics a little later on post the Prison & Woodbury storyline.  But if it holds true...Say hello to Lori...sort of!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Advice To My Daughter


  • There is nothing you can’t do
  • Have confidence
  • Dream big
  • Never try to make someone like you. They will or they won’t
  • Don’t hide your intelligence
  • Respect yourself or no one else will
  • Be nice
  • Kiss a lot of toads to find your prince (only kiss!)
  • Don’t second guess yourself
  • You’re body, you’re decision
  • Don't judge
  • Re-define what it means to "throw like a girl"
  • You never have to prove anything to anyone
  • Like yourself
  • Talk to me
  • He is the lucky one
  • Learn how to change a tire
  • Just because I will never think anyone is good enough for you, doesn’t mean you should also think that
  • Let him down easy
  • Look out for your brothers
  • Go easy on your mother
  • Break stereotypes
  • Be happy
  • Be yourself
  • Have no regrets

And remember, no matter what, you will always, ALWAYS, be my little girl

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Advice To My Boys


  • Give more than you take
  • Kindness is not weakness
  • Trust few, but trust completely
  • The right thing and the easy thing are seldom the same thing
  • Choose role models carefully
  • Dance
  • Don’t hold grudges
  • Look people in the eyes
  • Be nice, even if other’s are not
  • Give credit, take accountability
  • Don’t be afraid to make mistakes
  • When all else fails, trust your gut
  • Love your mother
  • Protect your sister
  • Be there for each other
  • Question authority, just do it respectfully
  • Extend olive branches
  • Do what YOU want to do, not what others want you to do
  • Don’t be a bully
  • Stick up for yourself
  • Try new things
  • See other’s perspectives
  • Don’t settle
  • Call home
  • Have faith

“I may not love you for the rest of your life, but I will love you for the rest of mine.”

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

This One Time... How Movie's Have Impacted My Life


Thanks to movies…

1.  Not only can animals talk, but they are probably making fun of me right now.  Yeah, screw you right back squirrel! (Dr. Doolittle / Zookeeper / Every Animated Movie ever)
2.  When I drive through a tunnel and get to the center, I always look for doors and a way to get higher than the water that will inevitably come gushing through when the tunnel collapses (Daylight)
3.  I think that all prostitutes have a heart of gold (Pretty Woman / Milk Money)
4.  I am always on the lookout for wooded areas where I can take drive away as soon as the Russians parachute in (we know they will). I also start inventorying the things that I will need to “borrow” from the local gas station to get me through the winter. (Red Dawn)
5.  When I see above ground electric poles on an open field, I stop and wait for the monsters that will come and eat them away like a deranged Pac-man (Langoliers)
6.  Every time I hear the song…
a.  Cruel Summer by Bananarama – I think of Ralph Machio playing soccer (Karate Kid)
b.  Poker Face by Lady Gaga – I think of a dancing half goat half boy in a casino (Percy Jackson)
c.  I’m Alright by Kenny Loggins – I think of a dancing gopher (Caddyshack)
7.  If I go 1 on 1 with someone in any contest, I use a fake Russian accent and say…. “I must break you”.  Of course, I guess that is better than going to the hospital and looking in on people and saying “If he dies…he dies” in the same accent. (Rocky IV)
8.  Any pitch that is remotely out of the strike zone is met with a resounding “Just a bit outside” in my best Bob Uecker imitation (Major League)
9.  Whenever I am on a boat, in any weather, I yell…”Iceberg…right ahead!” (Titanic)
10. I grew up thinking the fastest way to a girls heart was to raise my boom box above my head and play “In your eyes” (Say Anything)
11. Anytime I reference a large amount of money, I automatically say 1 billion dollars and put my pinky in my mouth.  (Austin Powers)
12I tried to befriend my old eccentric neighbor thinking he may have a time machine made out of a Delorean in his garage.  Nope, he was just weird.  (Back to the Future)
13I wonder why the president just doesn’t come out and say that he knows about Area 51 and the upcoming alien invasion (or asteroid heading towards Earth) but that it is OK because Will Smith (or Bruce Willis) is on the case (Independence Day / Armageddon)
14. I think every archeologist carries a bullwhip (Raiders of the Lost Arc)
15. Anytime I have a cold I just assume it is some sort of Zombie Virus (Dawn of the Dead / 28 Days Later)
16.Every time I hear “This one time…” I follow up with…Yeah you know the rest

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Pop Culture's Impact on Our Kids: Past & Present

For some reason I was sitting here thinking, has pop culture changed because kids and society have changed…or have kids and society changed because pop culture has changed.  Let’s take a look at how certain aspects of pop culture are different now as compared to when I grew up…and you can be the judge.

Teen dilemma in a TV Show
·         Then: “Mom always said, don’t play ball in the house” – Brady Bunch
·         Now: Freshman Amy, juggles being a young parent while entering High School as a Freshman  – The Secret Life of The American Teenage

Message in Rap Lyrics
·         Then: “Superman looked up at me and said I rocked so naturally” – Newcleus
·     Now: “@!#$ the FBI and @!#$ all the Army Troops..." - Soulja Boy

Video Game Villain
·         Then: Donkey Kong
·         Now: Nazis

Celebrity trying to be a singer
·         Then: Eddie Murphy “Party All The Time”
·         Now: Paris Hilton or maybe Kim Kardashian – Oh wait, I said celebrity

Risque’ Poster
·         Then: Farrah Faucet in full one piece bathing suit sitting down
·         Now: Megan Fox dressed in, well nothing but her Megan Foxiness

Time for the news
·         Then: 5 o'clock news stations reporting…well, actual news
·         Now: 24/7 opinion stations that report, I am not exactly sure – but they are loud when they do it

Reality Television
·         Then: The same 5 o’clock news channel
·         Now: “Who’s my Daddy?” A show where an adoptive woman tries to guess who her daddy is as 20 men pretend to care about her and convince her that they are her dad to win $100K

Movie Sequel
·         Then: The Empire Strikes Back
·         Now: That one with the sparkly vampire

Young girls “rebellious” clothing
·         Then: The Jennifer Beals' Flash Dance off the shoulder sweatshirt and leg warmers
·         Now: Short skirts with thongs (short skirts optional)

Four letter greeting
·         Then: “Word”
·         Now: “YOLO”

College Coach’s Bad Decision
·         Then: Indiana coach Bobby Knight throws a chair on the basketball court
·         Now: Penn State coaches throw away their humanity

Sunday, July 22, 2012

The Bachelorette Finale: Thoughts From A Reluctant Viewer



But I don’t want to watch the Bachelor Finale. OK Fine.  Wait, what, 3 Hours?  Crap, lets open up some wine.

OK, so yes, I have been coerced into watching the finale and I haven’t watched a single episode of the Bachelorette this season.  But let me take some guesses as to what happens:
  • Emily doesn’t know who to choose, say’s she loves two guys and she breaks down once every 13.3 minutes of airtime 
  • Chris Harrison will say, “Coming up on the most shocking bachelorette finale ever” 
  • Someone will say they “have fallen for” someone else and didn’t believe it could happen but it did 
  • Someone’s dignity will go poof (with odds are that this will include every person who gets camera time) 
  • I will say “Oh God. So Lame. This is Stupid” each about 57 times during the 3 hour show 


Well, let’s see what happens, onto the show: 
  • “This is the most anticipated television event of the summer”. Well Chris Harrison, maybe you didn’t realize that NBC was going to air a “What’s Happening Re-union” hosted by Dee, the obnoxious sister

Bachelor #1 Meets The Parents:
  • Holy crap, did Emily’s Mom eat a Turtle or is that an Adam’s Apple
  • Was bachelor #1 part of Flock of Seagulls? What’s with the hair?
  • Maybe he is Parker Lewis from Parker Lewis Can’t lose (bonus points for ANYONE who gets that reference)
  • Oh he has a trust fund? Now I get it.
  • Seagulls is asking Emily’s dad for his blessing if he proposes: “I’m an old fashioned guy so I….” Wait stop right there.  I don’t recall Cary Grant going into a hot-tub with 20 other guys on a reality show before sweeping Ginger Rogers off her feet
  • Oh his name is Jeff? Yeah, we will continue to go with “Seagulls”…

Bachelor #2 Is Up
  • As a present, #2 (Ari) gives away all the roses he got on the show to the parents.  Mom says “Wow to give something away that is so precious to him”.  Look Mom, if he doesn’t “win”, those roses are really not going to be that special to him…unless he could sell them on Ebay.
  • Asks dad for permission to marry his daughter.  Dad, apparently giving out permissions like a pamphlet on the corner of a NYC street sale, grants said permission to 2nd guy in about 4 hours

The Parents & Emily debrief

  • Emily to her parents “So, what did you think?”  For once, I would like a father to say “You know what I think.  I think they both suck and you are an idiot for going on this show not once, but twice and thinking that you can find a lasting relationship.  But love ya honey”
  • Emily “I’m not 100 percent sure I should get engaged at the end of this”.  Really? What tipped you off? That you’re a single mom and you don’t want your kid to meet any of the guys?  That you spent a cumulative of 4 hours all season with each person on dates you can never afford? That the one guy still looks like he is from the Flock of Seagulls?

The Last Dates
  • It may be my age, but every time I hear Emily refer to her daughter as “Little Ricky” I can only think of I Love Lucy and little Ricky Ricardo
  •  “I wasn’t planning on introducing my daughter to anyone this time”…Yet, surprise, surprise, here she is.  I mean god Emily, it’s not like you’re talking about a tattoo of New Kids on the Block  you got when you were drunk in college.  And, how can you plan on getting engaged at the end of the show but not want to introduce your daughter to the final 2 guys?  Now I know why I didn’t watch this season.
  • Meeting Little Ricky
  • Emily “If Ricky doesn’t like him it will change my relationship with him”.  If I were that kid, I would pull the guy aside and say “Look dude, an XBOX 360 gets you a hug & if you throw in a flat screen I will call you daddy and give you a kiss”
  • You know ABC is counting down the days until this little Ricky chick is old enough to do her own reality dating show.
  • Yep, spending 1 hour with the kid swimming in the pool is “just like being a dad”.  Nooooo, you’re not naïve or anything Seagulls, it’s all we dad’s do day in and day out.

The Decision
  • Yeah, it is just as bad as Lebron’s…well maybe not that bad.  Sorry Lebron.
  • Emily schedules a special meeting with Chris Harrison “Yeah, I don’t know what to do and who I should pick”.  Yeah, the guy who also hosts “Mall Masters” on the Game Show Network should have all the answers.
  • So Ari makes a love potion for Emily.  Not sure if you know this Ari, but you have to slaughter a live chicken first.  Maybe next time.
  • Jeff went to go see Vera Wang to pick out the ring.  “Hold on, what is that honey? “.  I stand corrected; Evidently, Jeff went to see Neil Lang to pick out the ring.
  • My wife’s advice – “Just pick the biggest ring – It's not like you’re not paying for it”
  • Emily “I don’t know if I want to get engaged.  I don’t want to be the girl who gets engaged 15 times. “Um how about you stop going on this stupid show then?
  • Wow, that kiss between Jeff & Emily means that either he really doesn’t like girls or Emily reminds him of his sister.

The Aftermath
  • So I guess Ashley & J.P. replace Ali & whoever as the example of how successful the show is at forming lasting relationships since everyone else has broken up.
  • I’m sorry, did I miss it?  Where was the shocking part of this finale? Then again, the only way for the hype to have been met would have been for Loki to come swopping in, destroy the set and for Katniss Everdeen to shoot him between the eyes (Yes, I mixed in a couple of things there, but they did say most shocking finale ever!)
  • Bachelor Pad premiers tomorrow.  Break out the Purell!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Things I didn't know I signed up for when I become a parent


1. I would never have privacy in the bathroom... Ever again
2. Negotiating business deals is nothing compared to negotiating which cartoon my 3 toddlers will watch
3. There actually is a place called "At Wits End" and I'd visit there…A LOT. (It's close to "Up To Here")
4. I would have to watch every single thing my toddler does and respond like they just mapped a genome.
     o Kid: “Daddy, watch this”
     o Kid: “Daddy you’re not watching”
     o Kid: “OK Daddy, now watch me”
     o *kid flaps arms*
     o Me:”Awesome!”
5. I would have to be an encyclopedia of knowledge and explain everything ever created in world. “Daddy, what’s this? Daddy, what’s that? Daddy, what’s this?...”
6. An appropriate dinner can be gummy bears, a banana, a frozen waffle and an ice pop
7. Burying my head in a pile of pillows can be an acceptable form of dealing with my kids arguments
8. Three of my most dreaded words would be “Some assembly required”
9. I would need to navigate my home like it was a mine field ·
10. I would be manipulated so easily.
     o “Daddy, you are so handsome, I love you so much. Can I have an icepop?”
     o “Of course you can sweetie”
11. My choice of words would be forever changed. Case in point. As I am stepping out of a meeting at work I announce to everyone “Excuse me, I have to go potty”
12. I'd get my own personal “play by play” announcers. “Daddy’s brushing his teeth. Daddy is sleeping. Daddy is getting dressed.”
13. I'd become a doctor and that kissing a “boo-boo” actually does make it better
14. I'd wake up some days and immediately start counting hours to my kids bedtime
15. I’d find out that there is a sound worse than fingernails on chalkboard and it’s called whining
16. That I would need to protect myself like MMA fighter when playing with my kids.
17. I would be able to read the future: For example, here is a recent conversation with my son:
     o Me: “No”
     o Me: “I said no”
     o Me: “Buddy don't do it”
     o Me: “Look, we know how this'll turn out. You'll do it, I'll get mad, & you'll cry, so can we just skip it?"
     o *Son does it*
     o *Daddy gets mad*
     o *Son cries*
18. Not only would I watch cartoons, I would call out inconsistencies in them.
     o “Shouldn’t the Octonauts go through a depressurization chamber before going into the station?”
     o “Wait a second, how come the cow talks but the pig doesn’t?”
19. I would know what it is like to be bi-polar.
     o Me: “awww, I love these kids more than life itself”
     o *2 minutes pass*
     o Me: “STOP IT! GET OVER HERE! YOU’RE IN BIG TROUBLE. I SAID GET OVER HERE!!”
     o Awww I love them

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I Sound Like My Parents



Remember all those things your parents said to you that you swore you would never say? Yeah....how's that working out for ya?

Here are things I have caught myself saying to my kids:


1.  No we are not there yet and we will never be there if you don’t stop asking!
2.  Do you want me to pull this car over and go back home?
3.  Don’t make me count to 5.  OK now you’ve done it.  One….two….you better hope I do not get to 5…three….I’m serious…fffffoooooouuuuurrrrr…..OK now you’re in trouble….5!!!
4.  You will eat it and you will like it
5.  I am going to call Santa Claus and tell him you have been bad and to skip our house
6.  Close the door, what do you think I do, heat (or cool) the world?
7.  We are not made of money
8.  If you can’t take care of your toys, I am going to give them to someone who will!
9.  Eat your dinner, there are starving people who would love to have that food
10.For the love of god, will you be quiet for just 5 minutes!!
11.You better stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!
12.When I was your age I didn’t have the things you do
13.Do you ever listen?
14.The only I time I use my kids middle names is when they are in trouble
15.Don’t use that tone of voice with me young man
16.I don’t care who’s fault it was, now you’re all in trouble
17.Why? Because I said so
18.Maybe Later
19.I’m not asleep, I am just resting my eyes
20.If your brother jumped off a bridge, would you too?
21.Just wait till you have kids (mind you, my kids are toddlers)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

How To Love A Child - A Daddy's Guide

There are countless books, blogs and advice givers (who the loudest are, ironically, the one's without kids) who "teach" you how you should raise your children.  Since much of this advice centers around encouraging your children, showing them respect and disciplining when necessary but also giving them wings to fly, I don’t feel the need to re-hash that.  Those are probably all written by Mom’s anyway – well, except for the ones written by those who have no children. 

So, let’s look at how to love a child - from a Daddy's perspective!

1.   Build a fort out of couch cushions
2.  Tie a pillow case around your neck and fly like Superman
3.   Let them pop all the bubble wrap
4.   Develop plans to build a space ship (or a Death Star!)
5.   Blow bubbles – and don’t worry if it spills!
6.   Eat dessert first
7.   Hold up you’re pinkie and talk in an English accent when drinking tea
8.   Let them color…outside the lines
9.   “Monsters in your closet you say?” – “Good thing Daddy was hard at work in his secret lab creating his ‘Monster Repellent’.  Now let me spray your room so you can go to sleep!
10. It's OK to say “Yes” even when you don’t want to (sometimes)
11. Try to find them during hide and seek…and fail
12. When your child says “look at me daddy”…look at them…and act really, really impressed no matter what they do
13. Create a drum set out of pots and pans
14. When you shake their hand, wince in pain because they are soooo strong and ask to see their  muscles
15. Tell them that the Cake they made was the BEST EVER (Sorry Mommy!)
16. Have breakfast for dinner
17. Let them pick out their own clothes, and don’t worry if they do not match
18. Act scared when they roar like a dinosaur
19. Teach them the "Superfly Snuka" leap onto the bed
20. Wear the tie they gave you
21. Be interested in what they want to do, not what you want them to do
22. Make up a story - any story, in which "INSERT YOUR CHILD'S NAME HERE" saved the world!
23. Remember what it was like to be a kid
24. Laugh…a lot

Monday, June 4, 2012

36 Things I Have Done That My Kids Will Never Do


 Why 36?  Well, that’s all I could think of. Quit being a conformist.  Now, onto the list!

1.  Manually roll down their car windows
2.  Adjust “rabbit ears” on the TV to get reception
3.  Know how to spell
4.  Use White Out
5.  Put film in their cameras (or get film developed)
6.  Have a dime to make a phone call while on the road
7.  Choose which program to watch on TV
8.  Use an encyclopedia to research a paper
9.  Cash a paycheck (direct deposit!)
10. Use a card catalog at the library
11. Wait years for a movie to come out on broadcast TV so you can see it
12. Cut coupons
13. Read a map
14. Fax something
15. Answer the phone without knowing who is calling first
16. Get up to change the channel on the TV
17. Write a handwritten letter
18. Drive around different stores looking for the best price
19. Negotiate with the whole family to determine what we will watch on TV
20. Have only 3 channels to choose from
21. Use a travel agent
22. Use the white pages to find a number
23. Getting paper 3D glasses from Burger King
24. Dial up their internet connection (screech)
25. Make a mix tape
26. Remember someone’s phone number
27. Be surprised at a movie’s twist ending (damn you internet spoilers!)
28. Not talk to strangers (thank you social media)
29. Put an air conditioner in the bedroom window
30. Go to an arcade
31. Sit through commercials
32. Wear a watch (unless it is an Iwatch)
33. Wait 40 minutes to cook something instead of microwaving it
34. Physically go to a video store to rent a movie
35. Not know how to fix something (Thank you Google)
36. Use cash (or maybe that will be my grandchildren)

Monday, May 28, 2012

The Top 10 Most Memorable Sports Moments Of All (well, my) Time!


I have been in a sports frame of mind this week.  With the Devils beating the Rangers to get into the Stanley Cup Finals, the Nets exciting move to Brooklyn and the Mets not sucking, it’s been good.  It got me thinking back to the most memorable sport moments in my lifetime.  I know that is a subjective and somewhat personal thing.  I also know I am limiting it to moments I can remember in my lifetime (sorry “shot heard round the world”) but I am pretty much talking about post 1980.  Anyway, here we go...

The Top 10 Most Memorable Sports Moments Of All (well, my) Time!

#10:  1992 Men’s Olympic Basketball: The United States Dream Team vs. the World


Yes, there were a lot more “important” Olympic athletes and moments in my lifetime.  There have been horrific Olympic tragedies such as the Atlanta bombing and Munich massacre as well as uplifting performances by athletes such as Carl Lewis, Rulon Gardner, Michael Phelps & Mark Spitz.  But one of the most memorable “events” for me was the introduction of professional basketball players to the US team in the 1992 Olympics (something I am actually not a big fan of). Traditionally the team would be filled out with amateurs, but a rule change in 1989 allowed professionals to play.  In 1992 a team of NBA stars headlined by Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson and Larry Bird led the United States to a total domination of the competition.  It was so amazing that the opposing players would ask for pre-game autographs and photos of the US players.  USA Coach Chuck Daley did not call a single time out the entire Olympics.  

#9 1993 NCAA Basketball Finals: Michigan vs. North Carolina 


This was a battle of two tournament #1 seeds; North Carolina coached by the legendary Dean Smith and Michigan, also known as the Fab-5 because they started 5 freshmen.  What made the game memorable was, unfortunately for star player Chris Webber, the fact that Webber called a time out in the closing seconds, when Michigan did not have any left, resulting in a technical foul.  Interestingly enough, probably less memorable was the fact that Michigan was stripped of all of their wins that season (including the tournament) due to Webber’s under the table payments while in college.

#8 Athletes versus My “Innocence”


Over my lifetime, I have gone from a wide-eyed kid looking up at these larger than life stars to a somewhat jaded adult who hopes that my kids have better sense than try to emulate the stars of their day.   This loss of innocence, as I call it, is probably the biggest let down of all.  Just think...

·         At one time, O.J. Simpson was once the outstanding running back who became the first player ever to run for more than 2,000 yards in a season and not the man accused of murdering his wife.
·        At one time, Tonya Harding was a championship level figure skater, not the woman who covered up an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan.
·       At one time, Lenny Dykstra was the scrappy Mets outfielder and not the guy sentenced to 3 years in a state prison for Grand Theft Auto.
·         At one time, when you heard the names, Barry Bonds, Ben Johnson, Roger Clemens and Marion Jones you did not first think of performance enhancing drugs.
·         At one time, Pete Rose was the guy who had more hits than anyone ever in the game of baseball and not the guy who was permanently banned from the sport for betting on it.
·        The list goes on and on.  Ben Roethlisberger, Kobe Bryant, Brett Favre, Tiger Woods, Michael Vick, Jenifer Capriati, do I really need to go on…because I can…
·         …Lawrence Taylor, Plaxico Burress, Jayson Williams, Steve Howe, Mike Tyson, Dwight Gooden….you get my point.

When Charles Barkley said that athletes should not be role models (while at the same time collecting millions in endorsements for being someone kids look up to), he couldn’t have been more right.

#7: 1987 AFC Championship Game: The Denver Broncos versus the Cleveland Browns


On the surface, you may not recognize this game.  However, if you are a football fan, you probably would recognize this AFC championship game for what it is most famous for, and that is “the Drive”.

As a lifelong Raider fan, I hated everything to do with the Broncos, Elway included.  Watching this game, all I could do is shake my head as Elway marched the Bronco’s 98 yards to tie the game with 37 seconds left in regulation.  They ultimately went on to win the game in overtime with a field goal.

Other considerations for my one word memories include The Catch, the Fumble (same teams – go figure) and Cher (wait, that last one doesn’t make sense).

#6 1995: Stanley Cup Finals: Game 4: The NJ Devils Sweep the Detroit Red Wings


OK, I know I am being a little selfish with the inclusion of this game/series.  This is probably just a personal game to me because I was actually in the building for this game and that objectively this is not an “all time memorable event”.  But, like the kid who took his ball and went home, it’s my list, so…

I have been a Devil’s fan ever since they moved to NJ and as I said, I was at this game (great center ice seats) and I got to see the team skate out with the cup.  The Detroit Red Wings were the heavily favored team going into the series, but the Devils, led by Martin Broduer and Scott Steven’s shocked the world…ok maybe shocked the Hockey world?...fine surprised the hockey world with its 4 game sweep.  This was not only the Devils first Stanley cup win, but also the Garden state’s first major sports championship.

On a side note, I was offered $1,000 for my 2 tickets as I walked into the arena and turned it down.  Glad I did – it is a memory that has stayed with me and I am sure I would have blown that money on something ridiculous anyway.

#5 1989:  Chicago Bulls beat Cleveland Cavaliers in game 5 of Eastern Conference Finals


You may ask, why this game?  The Bulls didn’t win the title this year and at this point his "Air-ness" had 0 world championships.  For those who remember the pre-3 peat (and pre-Phil Jackson) Bulls, this was a game (and series) that the heavily favored Cavs lost to the Bulls.  Yep, you read that right…”Heavily Favored Cavs”.  In fact the Cavs swept the Bulls 6-0 in the regular season.  However, the reason this game sticks in my head is that it was the one that turned Michael Jordan into “the Man” in my opinion.  6 seconds left in the game, Bulls up by 1.  The Cavs inbound the ball and 3 seconds later go up by 1 – with only 3 seconds left on the clock.  Jordan, double teamed, gets the ball, and in a shot that will forever be etched in my head, shoots over Ehlo, scores and send the bulls into a wild celebration!

#4 1994 NHL Eastern Conference finals game 7: Rangers beat Devils in double OT


OK, this pains me to put this one here on the list.  I mean I literally have pains right now as I type this…but I…must…go…on

For this series, the Devils were up 3 games to 2 going into Game 6.  Rangers captain Mark Messier made a guarantee that the Rangers would win game 6.  Devils were up 2-0 when Messier put on a show, scored a hat trick and the Rangers won the game.  Going into Game 7, the Devils still felt in control, taking a lead into the 3rd period with 10 seconds left to go.  However the Rangers not only scored in those last 10 seconds, but went to double overtime where they eventually scored, giving the Rangers the win, earning the praise of the greatest series in hockey and forever making me hate the 3 words “Matteau, Matteau, Matteau”. 

Footnote:  While the Devils recent victory of the Rangers helps (amazing that Brodeur was in goal for both), for those of us who lived through 1994, it will always be painful memory.

#3 1985: Boxing: “Marvelous” Marvin Haggler vs. Thomas “The Hitman” Hearns


My first exposure to boxing was Rocky Balboa fighting Apollo Creed in the Rocky movies.  Rocky introduced me to the back and forth nature of boxing and the exciting non-stop action as each “boxer” punches each other in the face and keeps  coming back for more. 

Then I watched a real boxing match. 

It was like finding out there was no Santa Claus.  What a let-down.  Boxing was pretty much 2 guys skipping around the ring and then holding onto each other like it was a slow dance at a high school prom. 

All that changed in 1985 when I watched the Hagler v Hearns match.  3 rounds of just complete awesomeness.  Both were dominant fighters and didn’t disappoint.  While only being a total of 8 minutes of fighting, I would go as far as saying that it was the greatest match in the history of Boxing!

#2 1986 World Series Game 6: The NY Mets beat the Boston Red Sox


I will caveat this entry by saying that not only am I a Mets fan, but I was actually at this game.  That said, I still think it has to go down as one of the most memorable World Series games of all time.  Boston, trying to break the curse of the Bambino was 1 out away from winning the World Series.  Champaign is on ice, no one on base and up comes "The Kid" Gary Carter and a single to keep what faint hopes alive (and put me back in my seat instead of heading for Shea stadiums exit).  Without giving the rest of the play by play, it ends up that the winning run (Ray Knight) gets to third base and Mookie Wilson is up to bat.  After fouling off what appears to be 200 straight pitches, he hits a grounder to first.  The ball “GETS BY BUCKNER” and the Mets win an improbable game and sends the series to game 7 (which the Mets had to come from behind once again to ultimately bring home the crown).  This put the Amazing back in the Mets!

#1 1980: USA hockey defeats Russia


If you weren’t around for this game, then it may be hard for you to truly understand the importance of it and really how unbelievable the victory was.  From a hockey standpoint, it was a true David versus Goliath matchup.  The US team was full of amateurs and college players going up against a Soviet team that had basically won every single world championship and Olympic tournament since 1954.  In fact, the soviet players, who were not permitted to play in the NHL, played the NHL all-stars and won 6-0.  Forget any type of dynasty you think you know, the Soviet team just did not lose.  In fact, these two teams played right before the Olympics and the Soviets destroyed the US team by a score of 10-3.  Long story short, the USA team defeated the Soviets 4-3 and Al Michaels said the memorable words as the clock wound down to 0 “DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?”  Players ran onto the ice in celebration, coach Herb Brooks broke down and cried and the team spontaneously started singing God Bless America in the locker room.

Funny thing was, while this is the game that gets all the press, it wasn’t the gold medal game.  USA had to come from a 2-1 deficit to beat Finland for the gold medal.  When down 2-1 in the second period, coach Brooks supposedly told the team in the locker room; "If you lose this game you will take it to your graves".  Then he turned to leave, spun around and said "Your @%$! graves" and the walked out.  The team went out and won the game.

When the US received their Gold medals, there was only supposed to be 1 player on the podium (the captain), yet Mike Eruzione waved for all his teammates to join him.  It was a fitting end.

It was dubbed Miracle on Ice and it really was.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

5 Biggest Losers Of All Time



When you think of the all time losers in the world, who do you think of?  Do you think of the 1962 NY Mets and their 40-120 record?  Perhaps it is the 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers who lost 26 games in a row?  Maybe it is a more recent display of ineptitude such as the Detroit Lions and their winless 2008 season or this year’s Charlotte Bobcats and their 7-59 record?

Yes, all of those teams displayed some “loser” qualities; however, none of them make my list of the biggest losers of all time!

1.  The Washington Generals

Record: 6 wins, 13,000+ losses 
The Skinny: I am sure you have heard of the Harlem Globetrotters? The Generals are the team the Globetrotters played their games against. The Generals would actually change their name as they went from city to city to make it appear like a bigger league of teams, but it was the same players regardless of the name or uniform. What surprised me the most was that they actually won 6 times (although the last one was in 1971). I wonder how disappointed the kids were who attended those 6 games. It is probably best summarized by the coach of the Generals who said that the crowd looked at him and the team like they just killed Santa Claus.

2.  The Really Rottens

Record: 1 win, 21 losses and 1 tie
The Skinny: The Really Rottens were one of 3 cartoon teams participating in the Laff-A-Lympics. The good guy teams, consisting of the Scooby Doobies and the Yogi Yahooeys, were good friends and their respective team members gladly helped each other whenever they got into a jam. However the Really Rottens always cheated and pulled dirty tricks which would ultimately cause them to be the last-place losers in most episodes. Typically the Really Rottens would be just on the verge of winning, before they would make a fatal error at the very end that allowed one of the other two teams to end up at the top. I believe their 1 victory came because , while they were underhanded, they didn’t actually break the official rules. Talk about finding a loophole.

3. New Coke

Record: Let’s just say that New Coke couldn’t even beat a cup of chewing tobacco in a blind taste test
The Skinny: Looking for an edge during the cola wars, the Coca Cola company introduced New Coke in 1985 to replace the original formula of Coke. It was a disaster, leading to the scrapping of the formula and the quick re-introduction of “classic Coke” whose advertising slogan could just have easily been “Old Coke - not the crap we tried to make you drink”.

4.  The Chevy Chase Show

Record: The following people hosted a talk show that lasted longer than the Chevy Chase show. Magic Johnson, Pat Sajak, Rosanne Barr, Rosie O’Donnell. Enough Said.
The Skinny: Seriously? Magic Johnson lasted longer! Chevy Chase was paid ~$4M a year to host a late night talk show in the fall 1993, hoping to claim Johnny Carson's mantle. To say the show was bad, does a disservice to the word bad. Chevy's show lasted only six weeks on Fox. I think at one point, Goldie Hawn was the only person that would be caught dead as a guest on the show, and that was probably due to a left over contractual clause from the movie “Seems Like Old Times”.

5. The Liza and David Reality Show

Record: Liza and David 0 - Surgical Booties 1
The Skinny: Liza and David was a series about newlyweds Liza Minnelli and her then-husband David Gest. When you think of all the reality shows in existence, from “Tommy Lee Goes To College” to “Are you Hot” to “Tool Academy”; you would think this show had a chance. Total Number of episodes aired = 0. Yep, 0. Evidently, Gest locked Minnelli in their apartment, screamed at camera crews who refused to wear surgical booties, and would cancel shoots at the last minute. Oh well, time to flip over to Teen Mom.

Honorable Mentions: Betamax, Pluto Nash, The XFL Football League, The Oprah Winfrey Network