Bachelor Breakdown: The Skinny Dipping Episode

Week four of the Bachelor - better known as the "skinny dipping" episode!

1. Nikki got a Date card in Spanish and another girl had to translate.  If I were that girl, I would have translated incorrectly.  Instead of the card saying “Let’s find Love in San Juan”, I would have told her that it said “Nikki – I have fallen for a guy named Juan – please go home”.
2. Ben seems surprised that Nikki is not complaining about the rain.  Um, Ben, she is trying to win the game.  In real life she would have cursed you out for not bringing an umbrella.
3. Nikki:  “Dating Ben makes me feel…” I’m sorry Nikki, did you say Dating Ben?  Is that what you think you are doing here???
4. Blakely’s occupation says “VIP Cocktail Waitress”.  Is that a euphemism for stripper?
5. Girls, when you try to emulate baseball players wearing black under their eye’s, know that its grease to prevent sun glare – not mascara
6. Ben said he has only had a few serious relationships.  Does he count the 30 days of sharing Ashley with 20 other guys as serious?  I guess he has to since he proposed – just not sure how he reconciles that.
7. Some girl said “I want my 2^nd chance at a fairy tale. “ Maybe instead of the Bachelor you should watch the Alternate ending to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
8. I find when the girls talk it’s actually pretty boring.  That must be why the producers queue the mood music – to try to make it seem better than it really is
9. Ben holds the rose out to the girl on the 1:1 and then doesn’t give it to her.  Really? Did you have to hold the rose out?  That is just cruel. How would you have liked it Ben if when you proposed to Ashley she took the ring, looked at it, and then said – naaa – this isn’t going to work.
10. Girl who got voted off during 1:1 - “I just don’t understand what I did wrong?”  Uh, you opened your mouth and spoke.
11. The one thing Courtney does do is really dispel all those stereotypes about models.  You know the ones where all models are these smart, intelligent, coherent, non-shallow people.
12. Does Courtney have parents? Are they watching this show?  I hope for their sake she told them she was on American Idol or something.
13. Emily – oh Emily, you were so close.  I guess you haven’t learned your lesson.  
14. Emily talking about model Courtney:  “I don’t know why Ben would keep someone so shallow”?  Ummm, have you seen Courtney skinny dipping?
15. Courtney says the other girls do not have the same connection that she and Ben have.  Oh, you mean they keep their clothes on?
16. If Ben picks Courtney in the end, it will be like Jake picking Vienna – and we know how that worked out. They might as well triple date with Bentley

Bachelor Breakdown: Week 3

You will notice while reading my comments about the bachelor that, to me, the girls do not have names yet.  Not that it really matters.  I look at the bachelor girls in the same way that I reprimand my children.  When reprimanding my child, I may not get their name right when I tell one of them to stop whining (or hitting, or making a mess, etc) but sooner or later, whatever kid I scolded will eventually do it anyway, so law of averages works out.  Therefore, with week 3 of the bachelor in the books…

1. We are 5 minutes into the show and someone is crying already?  Seriously?  This girl is surprised that Ben is going out with other women.  Have you not watched this show before?
2.  Random Girl - “It’s been a long time since I felt this way”.  First of all, you are 21 years old.  What, were you 4 the last time you felt this way?  And, what way in particular?  The last time you fell for a guy who was dating 20 other women?
3.  Did the model actually say “Winning”.  Many things are wrong with this.  First, didn’t that Charlie Sheen quote go out of style 5 minutes ago?  Second, if you consider what you are doing as winning, you need to re-evaluate your definition of the word.
4. Random Girl with no clue on relationships - “I wish Ben and I were going Grocery shopping right now”.  OK, listen up, I know you are romanticizing your future together, but try to aim higher.
5. Ben “I have no idea what is holding Rachel back?”  Really Ben?  You don’t think it MAY have something to do with the 15 other women you are making out with on a daily basis?  Perhaps that is what is holding her back!
6. Some girl mentions Ben and Ashley.  I honestly had no clue who Ashley was.  Oh, the girl he proposed to on the last season of Bachelorette.  It must have been minute 16 of her fame ride.
7. Sorry Ben, no one who has hair like you has a “Rough Side”.
8. Hey, theater girl!  If you need all this re-assurance, you probably should have picked a different show to be on – like wheel of fortune.
9. Why are the women upset when another girl leaves?  I know they are not the brightest bunch, but someone needs to sit them down, get some construction paper & crayons and then walk through simple percentages.  “OK random girl, Billy has to choose from 4 lollipops which gives each lollipop a 25% chance of being selected, if one of those lollipops has an emotional breakdown and leaves, do the remaining lollipops have a better or worse chance of being picked”?
10. Someone actually said – “I love being completely alone with Ben”… yeah, except for the camera man, and crew…
11. Random Girl “Sometimes you can wait years for a love like this”.  Like what? Like a reality show love that will be over before “After the final rose” airs?
12. Maybe the girls don't know how TV shows are put together?  I feel that way when one of them said “It makes me feel special that Ben put this date together for me”.  Seriously, you think Ben did that?  Maybe you should date Ramon the producer?
13. Ben “My wife is in that room”.  Sorry to break it to you Ben, but no, she is not.  Have you looked at the track record of this show?
14. So Emily will be the new Bachelorette.  I would think that anyone who gets to the final 2 would want to lose.  Choices are 1) Win, and get a failed relationship or 2) lose and be the next bachelor/ette.  Losing is winning as the model (or Mr. Sheen) would say