The Fine Line Between Being Sick And Supporting Aquaman

OK, so I go to bed, hoping to get a good night’s sleep before a busy day.  15 minutes later, I know something is wrong.  Anxiety over who will be the next Bachelor? No.  Troubled over if Kayne and Kim’s son will run into trouble giving people directions? No.  Rather, I start to feel sick.  I visit WebMd on my phone to find out what’s wrong.

• Trouble breathing
• Feeling Disey
• Tightness in chest
• Search Results: Polio

OK, now something is really wrong.  I don’t want to wake my son who is sleeping on the floor, but I know I need to get to a bathroom.  I maneuver through the room like OJ Simpson used to go through airports in those Hertz commercials.

I drop to my knees in the hallway and crawl to the bathroom.  I lay my face right over the bowl and what do I pray for?

• To get it over with?  No
• To not get sick? No
• That my arms are strong enough so I don’t plunge right into the water?  Yes.

I don’t get sick but now a dilemma.  Should I stay like this or should sit upright.  It was like my own Sophie’s choice.  Things are getting worse.  I am now sweating and am as white as a ghost…or as Richie Incognito.

 

I think I start to hallucinate.  Sweating, I start to wonder about random things:

• Can I remember any of the Hanson “mmmmbop” brother’s names?
• Who were those Menudo kids?
• Will One Direction suffer the same fate?

I see some towels and put them on the floor thinking that I will just rest for a bit; mind you, half naked and on the cold tile of the bathroom.  I think I pass out for a bit because I wake up with my face pressed against the sink.

I think I meekly call out for help, but regret doing so as soon as I do it.  I mean, what will happen.  My kids will wake up, walk in to the bathroom and see their daddy lying on the tile.

• Hi Daddy, what ya doing?
• Call 911
• Daddy, draw me a picture
• Call 911
• Daddy, who would win in a fight – The Hulk or Aquaman?
• Call 91…wait what?  Are you kidding me?  How the heck do you think Aquaman will beat the Hulk?  Call 911
• OK Daddy, Fine.  How do you spell 911?

Anyway, I make my way downstairs thinking I just need to lay down on a couch.  It’s cold and dark so I randomly pick up articles of clothing to keep me warm.  I pick up some socks for my feet and hands.  I pick up a jacket from the kitchen and go to lie down.  I am restless.  I catch a glimpse of me in the mirror with mismatched red, brown and green socks on my hands and feet and a pink jacket.  I looked like a deranged Elf from Chucky the killer doll’s shelf.

I toss and turn all night and finally my kids come see my on the couch.

• Hi Daddy, can we have milk and waffles?
• Oh guys, Daddy doesn’t feel well. 
• OK, but um daddy um, can we have Waffles now?